Tag: Word of the Year

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Faith Family Productivity

Discipline…2021 Word of the Year…Again

2020 and Tech Did Not Mix

Last year, around September or October, I wrote about my 2021 Word of the Year. But, falling in line with all that 2020 was, my website went down and I lost over 4 months of blog posts. This is the one time I am happy my lack of motivation and overall busyness with other things prevented me from writing so much. 

But truthfully, after writing about Discipline, I started to feel like maybe that wasn’t my word anymore. I began to hear some other things from God, and I was actually sure that my word moved from discipline to discipleship.

So what did I do? In true Tanisha Rhenáe fashion, I bought some books on discipleship and started to pray. And honestly, my website going down and erasing my posts going all the way back to that Discipline post, I was about to take that as a sign that it wasn’t my word.

But then God made it very clear that I had a few areas in my life that needed some discipline. And those areas are ones that I’ve been struggling with, and I know that only Jesus would be able to pull me through. So I wanted to share some things I am hoping to build discipline in. Let’s start with my physical health.

My Heath

If you have been around for any amount of time, you know that I love food and I hate exercise. My Word of the Year for 2019 was Health. (the wrap up for 2020 is lost to internet Heaven and probably won’t be resurrected.). And while there were plenty of areas in 2019 that I improved health-wise, my physical health was not one of them. What I did include, I failed miserably at. And to be honest, I still wouldn’t be focused on it this year if I didn’t have to.

2020 Quarantine and Deployment 15

I’m lying when I blame the 2020 quarantine for my weight gain. I’m a homebody. And if I weren’t trying to do my part to save the world from this pandemic, I would still be in my house, away from the world. But hubby had a deployment last year, and it definitely played a part in some depression that made me want to do nothing but eat until he came home. (To be clear, him being deployed doesn’t make me depressed.  But me missing him adds to the depression I have already been diagnosed with.)

And let’s continue with the confessions (queue Usher’s album). When I say 15, I really mean 75. Pounds. Sign. So a couple of months after the quarantine started, my body did this crazy thing where I lost my appetite. I wasn’t hungry, and since I tend to get busy and forget to eat anyway, I wasn’t really eating. I ended up losing over 15 lbs. This was great because I could stand to lose the weight, to begin with.

My psychiatrist didn’t tend to think so. And since we were trying to figure out my insomnia, he decided to give me a sleep med that also had a benefit of increasing my appetite. Y’all, this medicine is the devil. It increased my appetite alright. Not only did I gain the 15 lbs back, but I also gained an additional 50. My hunger would hit me shortly after I take the medicine (at night since it was a sleep med), and I would literally not be able to go to sleep until I ate something. And, of course, it was usually something unhealthy.

And it all snuck up on me very quickly. This weight gain happened in a couple of months. I see my psychiatrist every two months, and bless his soul, he could immediately see the weight gain at my next appointment. And I couldn’t even blame it on the camera. But because my sleep was improving, it’s one of those things that you have to decide is it worth it to stay on the meds?  Well, we decided it was.  So your girl has to figure this out.

Getting Disciplined

So what am I changing? First, I decided I needed to track what I eat.  I know I overeat.  I make big plates.  I always eat sweets.  Pasta and other carbs are my favorite.  I just love all things food.  And while I don’t plan to count calories or anything like that, I wanted to see exactly how much I was eating (a lot, btw!).  And while I know I wasn’t only eating when I was hungry, it still shocked me to see how much food I was eating in a day.

I decided to pay for the premium subscription for the Lose It app.  One of the benefits of tracking what I eat is that I can also keep a close eye on my sugar intake.  I have fructose malabsorption, plus my glucose and cholesterol levels were up, and my doctor warned me that I needed to get them under control.  To do that, I switched from white bread to wheat bread and started to eat oatmeal for breakfast.  I also don’t remember the last time I had pasta.

I’ve also switched to eating more of lean meats and seafood diet.  My love for steak and oxtails are getting pushed to once a month or a quarter.  And while Chris just refuses to eat veggies, I am getting back in the habit of having 1-2 veggies with each meal.  Along with trying to eat one salad a day.  I also add fruit to my oatmeal in the mornings.

As much as I hate to admit this… to lose weight, I need to exercise.  But since I still despise exercise, I am only willing to walk.  The good thing is, I hang out with some people that love to exercise.  One of my friends has offered to go walking with me three times a week.  I’m hoping that Chris loves me enough to push me to walk with him at least three other times during the week.

Let’s Do This

I’ll admit, I’m not really all that excited about this.  But I know what I need to do when it comes to my health.  While I am all about body positivity and loving yourself no matter the size, my weight is starting to actually hurt me.  I feel the weight on my joints.  My fibromyalgia is flaring up more and more.  Not to mention, I always said that if I hit a certain weight, I would start exercising.  Well, that was 13 lbs ago.  So while I may not be excited, I am about to get disciplined.   

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Home

Finally Loving Your Home: Cleaning With FlyLady

I talked a bit about creating a homemaking block in my most recent post here on the blog.  While I enjoy cleaning and, even more, a clean home, I can sometimes get in a rut where I’m just tired of cleaning.  But as I mentioned here, I need to get out of it if I want to have my home being a sanctuary for my husband and me.  So I thought back to when I truly enjoyed cleaning last.  And it was a year or two ago when I was following the Fly Lady routine. There are still pieces that I follow to this day, but because I am not doing the whole process, it doesn’t feel the same.

But my problem with the system itself was, it is tough to follow because the details are not in one place.  I mean, her website reminds me of the late 90’s/the early 2000s and is full of items to buy from her. Her technique is to get you to sign up for her email, and she sends you what needs to be done throughout the day. For example, I signed up again for her emails to get started and have already received at least eight emails a day.  And her site says that she averages ten emails a day.  It’s a bit overwhelming.  Especially for a planner like me, that would like to plan in advance.  I’ve scanned her site, and it’s a bit all over the place to find what you need.  So let me try and break down how it works.

Update: This post got long! I was thinking about breaking it up until multiple posts and decided that defeats the purpose of having everything in one place.  So while this lengthy post will be published as one, let’s focus on one topic at a time.  Join me on my Instagram, where I will post our focus for the day, and let’s talk about it!

FLYing Lessons

The site tells you to start here. FLYing is all about “Finally Loving Yourself,” which she describes as having “peace of mind, pride in your home, and a passion for living.”  In the emails I mentioned above, you get what is called Missions for your daily Zone.  But wait, before you do that, you focus on what she calls Baby Steps.  And the first one is this: Shine Your Sink.  Now, this is a practice that I have followed forever.  Before I go to bed, I do what I call “Shutting Down the Kitchen,” and that includes making sure the kitchen sink is not only empty, but I scrub it out with a powdered cleaner and dish liquid. This is the same process that Fly Lady calls Shine Your Sink, and she outlines a 12 step process to do it.

Next, she tells you to Get Dressed to Shoes.  That means to get dressed for the day, including wearing shoes.  And laced up shoes at that.  She insists that doing this prevents you from slipping them off and lounging around.  I disagree with this.  I mean, I understand it’s much harder to take a nap with the sneakers on, but if I am tired, those shoes won’t stop me.  I’ll take them off or leave my feet dangling off the couch or bed.  And I hate wearing shoes in my house.  I have thought about buying a pair just for inside (slippers or slides).  I do believe that getting up and getting dressed helps motivate you, though.  When I transitioned from working in Corporate to working from home, I went from wearing skirts that I loved most days to wearing 50’s style dresses.  I won’t call them house dresses because that reminds me of nightgowns.  But something about wearing the dresses gave me pride in what I was doing from home, and that included my cleaning.  Now thanks to one too many Krispy Kreme donuts, I can’t fit most of my dresses anymore, but with the seasons changing, I plan on getting back to wearing dresses again.  Maybe just a little bit more flowing.  But I will miss my basketball shorts and leggings.

Baby Steps

Now we are finally getting to the rest of those Baby Steps she talked about.  Fair warning, clicking on that link doesn’t get you to the baby steps without having to click on another link.  Which appears to contain the same info from the first link AND the info about Baby Step #1, which was Shining Your Sink all to just, redirect you back to the link I provided you up there.  See what I mean about the struggle with finding out the information? And we haven’t even started cleaning anything but the sink.  Oh, and you have to click a new link to get to each new Baby Step, but you then have to go back to the first page to get to the next link.  But I’m going to help you out by listing the rest below.  Now each Baby Step corresponds with a day.  So it will take you 31 days to get through all of them.  She says this is to help you establish small routines, build consistency, and to take your time enjoying the process.

  1. Shine Your Sink
  2. Get Dressed to Lace-Up Shoes
  3. Put Out A New Dish Towel Each Night – This is something I try to do each night using these towels.  I think the actual step for this day is to review the website, but I’m saving you 10 hours.
  4. Post Sticky Notes on Bathroom Mirror and Kitchen Sink – This is to remind you to do #1 and #2.  And is the beginning of what she calls your control journal.  More on that later.
  5. Turn Negative Thoughts into Positive Phrases – If you find yourself saying you don’t deserve a clean home, seeing this list should help.
  6. Take 2 Minutes to Clear a Hot Spot – Find that one spot in your house that stays cluttered, set a timer, and clear it.
  7. Pick Out Your Clothes At Night – I think everyone recognizes that this helps mornings go smoother.
  8. Create Your Control Journal – She recommends a binder and some paper and to now break Steps 1-7 into a morning and evening routine, with #6 happening in both.
  9. Five Minute Room Rescue – Spend 5 minutes clearing a path in your worst room.
  10. 15 Minutes: Pick Up Trash and Rest – Set a timer for 15 minutes, gather all the trash you can, and take it out.  Set a time for another 15 minutes and rest.
  11. Inspiration In 15 Minutes – Take 15 minutes to write some inspirational quotes.
  12. Delete Her Emails – It’s been less than five days since I signed up, and I have 30 emails from her.  If she averages ten a day as she says, you should be deleting 120 emails on Day 12.  This is ridiculous.  She doesn’t like clutter but is providing digital clutter.
  13. Do The Mission for the Day – Now for some cleaning.  Take a break here and jump to the next section on Zones and Missions.
  14. Time for a Calendar – Find a place for a calendar (high traffic area) and get one up.  We’ve used this one for a couple of years now.
  15. Make Your Bed – Add this to your morning routine.
  16. Back to the Website – She wants you to read what others are saying about the system.
  17. Set a Bedtime and Stick to It – Don’t wait until it’s time for bed to do your evening routine either.  Start right after dinner
  18. 11 Commandments – But wait…another list. Luckily this one is mostly a repeat of what she has already told you with additions like don’t be distracted, do one thing at a time, and pamper yourself.
  19. No Rushing – This one was hard to figure out as she had another testimonial in there.  But don’t rush, slow down and set a time if you need to.
  20. Laundry – Start a load of laundry at night, put it in the dryer when you wake up, fold/hang, and put away as part of your morning routines.
  21. Clean Out One Drawer – So technically, this day was to read more things on her website, but she also said to clean out one drawer for each family member to make it easier to put laundry away.
  22. Office in a Bag – Work on building your control journal and keep everything you need to pay bills, make a grocery list, etc. in one portable place.  Just in case you need more to do, here are 15 steps to create your control journal.
  23. Afternoon Routine – Start dinner in the afternoon.  Plan your meals a week at a time and get them added to your calendar.
  24. Swish and Swipe – Swish the toilet bowl with the brush and wipe out the sink and clean the countertops with a rag.
  25. More Reading – Read some more of her website, but if you have more than one bathroom, use a different one each time you need to go and do the swish and swipe.
  26. Never Behind – A reminder to start wherever you are, even if you get behind.  I also noticed she added lunch and to drink plenty of water to the afternoon routines.
  27. Dinner – Prepare for dinner either the night before or in the morning.  Remove anything from the freezer you need, and don’t forget your side dishes.
  28. Take Care of You – Set a timer for 15 minutes and read.  Remember to eat good food, drink your water, take breaks, and get some rest.
  29. Weekly Pamper Mission – It looks like the idea for the day was a testimonial from a reader who got a back rub from her hubby after a relaxing bath.  Breakfast was added to the morning routine.  Water, meds, and vitamins were added to both morning and evening routines.
  30. Important Dates – Look at the calendar for next month and see what important dates need to be planned for.  This is also where you learn about your weekly plan, which is more routines.  Head to that section below to learn more.
  31. Don’t Worry – Another reminder to not get overwhelmed with all of the things she has you doing.

Zones

Zones are different parts of the house that she assigns you to clean each week.  There are five zones, and ideally, you would hit them all in one month.  The goal is to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning your zone based on the mission you are given (see next section).  Here are the zones and when she says they would be cleaned:

  1. Entrance/Front Porch/Dining Room – the first few days of the month until Sunday
  2. Kitchen – the first full week of the month
  3. Main Bathroom/Extra Room – the second full week of the month
  4. Master Bedroom/Bath/Closet – the third full week of the month
  5. Living Room/Den/TV Room – the last few days of the month, starting on Monday

 

 

Missions

Missions are your daily to-dos for the day.  Each week she tells you one mission to do each day.  It doesn’t appear that this information is laid out in advance anywhere, so you only get one week at a time.  Here are last weeks (the current weeks is here), for example:

Monday

Spend 15 minutes getting rid of 27 things from the Main Bathroom.  Do the same in the Extra Room.

Tuesday

Shine your tub/shower in the Main Bathroom.  Set your timer for 15 minutes and get the guest bed ready for company.  Wash the sheets if needed.

Wednesday

Wash your Main Bathroom rugs, shower curtains, and accessories.  Dust in the Extra Room, ensuring you get those cobwebs in the corner.

Thursday

Toss old or unused cosmetics, perfumes, and other hygiene products.  For the Extra Room, either spend 15 minutes getting rid of 27 more things or sweep/vacuum.

Friday

Clean the counters and sink in the Main Bathroom.  Take 15 minutes to relax.

Weekly Plan

Monday’s – Weekly Home Blessing for an hour

This includes tossing old magazines, changing the sheets, emptying the trash, vacuuming, mop kitchen and bathroom, clean mirrors and doors, and dust.

Tuesday’s – Free Day

Water and fertilize plants.  Spend 15 minutes in the current Zone

Wednesday’s – Zone Cleaning and Partial Desk Time

Finish zone cleaning and weekly cleaning. Clean the fridge. Write thank-you notes. Work on the menu and grocery list for next week.  Balance checkbook.

Thursday’s – Grocery and Errand Day

Make sure your menu is ready for grocery shopping. Confirm the list before you leave.  Go grocery shopping and run errands.

Friday’s – Paperwork and Misc.

Date night. Get food from the freezer for next week.  File papers. Write letters and cards. Cleanout purse.  Mend clothes and polish shoes. Pet care. Clean out car and check fluids. Clean laundry room.

Saturday’s – Family Fun Day

Sunday’s – Renew Your Spirit Day

 

 

But Wait There Is More

But I am not about to make this post any longer.  I found her detailed before bed routine, morning routines, weekly checklist (not to be confused with the weekly plan), and finally, the detailed cleaning list. The list alone is nine pages long.

Seriously it is almost easier to check her emails every day to figure out what to do.  She sends what is called a flight plan that gives you the daily checklist, challenges, and missions.

My house needs a good deep spring cleaning, so I am going to take a look at everything else and determine if all of this information is truly needed.  Or maybe I can see if I can figure out a way to simplify this or find simpler systems.

Look forward to more post about cleaning our home as we make this happen.  Have you heard about Fly Lady? Tell me what you think below.

*I’ve used my referral link in this post for Grove.  This gives you a 5-piece gift set for first-time users.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

Categories
Family Home

Year of Health – April: Home

If you read last month’s post, you saw that I struggled to choose between two topics: marriage and the Word of God.  I decided to do both.  Well, I think focusing on both of those things allowed me to naturally lead into what I chose as my topic for April: Home.

I know what you are thinking, “Tanisha…we are all trapped at home, so that’s an easy one.”  Well, first off, you aren’t trapped at home.  You are safe at home.  Home should be a sanctuary for you.  More on that later.

Second off, I am a hardcore homebody.  I’ve always been a homebody, but in 2017/2018, I forced myself to go out and be more extraverted and do more things, and I promise you I am still recovering from that.  😂

 

So when I returned home from my sabbatical, I struggled to leave the house even for the simplest of tasks.  I ordered my groceries online.  Amazon became my BFF again.  My hubby made sure I had gas in the car.

And it wasn’t until my therapist told me I need to get outside the house more that I became intentional about going to the store more frequently or helping friends with their dog a few times a week.  But my preference was still being home.  It also helps that I am a housewife.  I have heard from a few other homebodies who are saying now that we aren’t able to go anywhere even if we wanted to, they realized that they aren’t much of a homebody. That is not me at all.  Yes, I would like to go to the grocery store when I want, but not much has changed for me. (I recognize the blessing in this)

But what I noticed is that now that we are forced to stay at home, a lot of people are having a hard time just being in their homes.  It’s almost like they don’t really like their home much.  And that breaks my heart.

So it made me think, how can I help people see that they should love their home more?  What is it about our homes that make us want to be elsewhere? Our responsibilities? Chores? Our housemates?

When I made the transition to housewife, I struggled with the idea that I now had increased responsibility at the house even though I wasn’t the only one living there.

My mindset didn’t change until an older friend shared with me that when she is doing tasks around the house, she prays while doing them and is grateful for having them to do.  While she is doing laundry, she is thanking God for clothes her family wears.  While washing dishes, she thanks God for the food that they get to eat.

Honestly, it made me feel ungrateful.  The same things I complained about were things that I prayed for at one point in time.  I made the switch to being grateful for all that I had, but since I’ve been back from my sabbatical, I’ve been slacking a little bit.

So last month, when focusing on the Word of God and my marriage, it naturally led me to wonder, what could I do to show my gratefulness and thanksgiving to God better?  What could I do to show my husband that I love and appreciate him, mainly because he is the one in our family that goes out every day and works?  And it all comes back to making my home the sanctuary I knew it could be.  Which automatically makes me think of my favorite verse in Titus.

‘the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.’ Titus 2:3-5 NKJV

I love the NKJV version of this verse because it explicitly says homemakers.  Other translations say workers at home, keep a good house, makers of a home [where God is honored], keepers at home, work in their homes, taking care of their household, busy at home, and working at home. But I’ve also come across another verse recently that has helped me as well.

‘But we encourage you, brothers and sisters, to do this even more, to seek to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, so that you may behave properly in the presence of outsiders and not be dependent on anyone. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:10b-12 CSB

So for April, I am going to do my part to be thankful and fall in love with my home again.  I’m going to make sure that it is a place that my husband can be proud to come to.  And to focus on removing a lot of the noise that surrounds our lives and to lead a simpler and quiet life.  If you know me or followed my social media for a while, you may know that I love routines, cleaning, and organization.  I will be showcasing how I use all three of those to achieve my goal for this month.  But because I am a researcher at heart and love seeing how other people do things, I will be checking out and trying different methods.  I hope that you join me this month in curating your home and setting the atmosphere that you want.  Leave me a comment down below what you love most about your home.

 

 

Categories
Faith Family Marriage

In The Middle of a Hard Marriage

When I settled on marriage as one of my March themes for Year of Healthy, I had no intention of actually writing about it.  I mentioned that it was extremely personal, and I hadn’t been released to from God or my husband.  Then one weekend, while talking with Chris, we were going over how we both have had some wins lately.  In our marriage and out of our marriage.  We recognized that it was because of God and openly gave Him praise.  Then I started to think about some of the advice I’ve been given throughout our marriage.  What worked and what didn’t work.   I thought about the research I did when I was struggling and what I found and what I didn’t find.  One of the things that I did not see was someone that was in the middle of difficulties and what they did.  So many people gave advice multiple years removed from their struggles.  The frustrating part would be, when they reminisced about having a difficult time, but couldn’t tell you how they overcame them.  I vividly remember only two people that were able to give me advice on what they did (I will mention that these two people, we look to as wise counsel, and they have sat with us multiple times, mostly individually).  So after talking to Chris about that, I told him I wanted to share our “in the middle.”  He gave me his blessing, and I believe, that, and the fact that this even popped into my mind, was God’s way of saying do it.  I will say this will obviously be written from my perspective and thoughts.  Chris will read it before it’s published (as he does any post where he is mentioned, or the information may be sensitive to us – like when finance was my topic).  My goal is to write in such a way that I don’t have to remove anything.

Very Little Background

Today, we are celebrating eight years of marriage.  In the midst of 2019, I would have told you that each year was getting harder. Before marriage, I was someone who was driven, strong-willed, and a planner.  I knew exactly how I wanted my life to go, and I followed that plan.  And expected it to continue when I got married.  But the first three years, disrupted that plan.  Now to be fair, I want to point out that we had some outside factors that impacted our marriage that we could not prevent.  The first three years were lived in a blur. Those first three years, we were in survival mode and didn’t have time to have problems.  Once things settled, though, that is when our problems started.  The next five years were hell because we refused to deal with those earlier issues or communicate at all.

But I also thought I knew what was right.  That plan I created?  Even though things didn’t go that way, I expected us to get back on track.  And when it didn’t happen, I focused on other things.  But because I wasn’t successful at being a wife, I started questioning every other role in my life.  I eventually lost who I was.  Now, this wasn’t at the fault of my husband.  More so from what I exposed myself to.  Other people and marriages that I was trying to mimic ours around.  Things that I wanted to do that were discouraged. Somethings I didn’t want to do, that was pushed on me. I was so unhappy that I was willing to change anything.  So I tried to do what I saw people who appeared to be happy do.  This is the dangerous part of building a community.  I got to a point where I couldn’t take any of it anymore.  If you have read some of my previous posts, you will know that in 2019, I left for what I call a sabbatical.  During that time, I strengthened my relationship with God and dived into His Word.  I focused on me.  I had to work through all of this when I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I couldn’t tell you what I liked.  And what I could come up with (for example reading), I hadn’t done in ages.  It was time for a change, so I started working on me.

But I Can Change Him

Now, some advice that I have been given a bunch of times was I can’t change Chris.  And I tried to—a lot. I fought against this advice because I wasn’t the problem.  He was, and he had all types of issues to work out. It took me a while, but I realized that this was toxic thinking.  Because I was trying to make myself out to be perfect. I was also speaking horribly over my life partner. And let’s be real, the problems in our marriage, clearly showed that HIS issues were really OUR issues.  So all of the years, I spent trying to get him to change was wasted.  Because guess what? You can’t change another person.  Well, you kind of can, but we will get to that in a second.  But one thing you can for sure change is yourself.  Give me a moment to explain because if you were like me, you are probably yelling at your screen, saying, “I am not the problem!”

After a million times trying to change Chris, I gave up.  It was exhausting; I was drained; I was tired.  I decided to become selfish.  But in a good way. I went searching for things that bought me joy.  Because of my personality, a lot of that ended up being self-improvement things.  I was reading again.  I was listening to podcasts.  What I was watching on T.V. was either educational or funny.  Now, to be completely honest,  this was shortly after a time where God was convicting me on the useless things I allowed to come into my spirit.  I wasn’t listening to secular music.  I wasn’t watching movies with a bunch of cursing and sex scenes.  But I want to be clear that although this is something that God convicted me on, it ended up helping me find me and what I enjoyed again. I also focused on how each thing could be applied to my life and what changes I could make because of what I was taking in.  This became a big part of why I created this blog and what I try and showcase.  How I saw things and thought about things was changing.  What I worried and stressed over was changing.  And then I realized, maybe how I was handling my marriage was wrong.  So my prayer became, God, how can I become the wife you need me to be for Chris?  I finally realized that Chris wasn’t going to change.  But I could. I was already starting to see what focusing on me was doing. What would happen if instead of doing this for me, I did it for my marriage? My relationships with others? My community?  I started to focus on being a better person for others after I took the time to focus on me.

That’s Great And All But What About My Marriage

Now our marriage didn’t magically become better.  I had moments where I slipped up.  Things were still pretty rough.  But after one particularly bad argument, we were told to do somethings that I think added to the work I was already doing.  We were told to do a daily devotional together.  And for Chris to pray out loud for me every day.  We were giving some other things to do, but those two things are what we were told to start with that we are currently doing.  We are doing the Kingdom Marriage Devotional by Tony Evans (I’m also reading the book on my own).  The devotional is formated in a brief 1 1/2 page devotional, three application questions, and a prayer.  Specifically, the questions have allowed us to be open and honest and communicate with each other about things that are important to our marriage.  Things that we had long forgotten about or just didn’t seem relevant to each other.  This paved the way for conversations that came from our answers, us sharing our concerns, and just being able to talk again.  It was a safe space to say, “this is the problem I have, and I would like to work through it.”  We always add to the prayer that Dr. Evans gives and try to cover things that we spoke about in our answers.  Chris also prays over me before he leaves for work.  This has made me feel loved and appreciated. We have started to dream again and talk about goals.  The important part is we are back communicating.

We are a long way from our problems being fixed.  We still have to do work every single day. But we see fruit from this.  In our marriage and our individual lives.  I think this is because we finally found the right order to things (thanks to the book).  My husband had to come under submission to Christ as the head of our household.  Not saying that wasn’t done previously, but it wasn’t done with intentionality and wholeheartedly.  At the same time (and that part is essential), I had to come under the submission of my husband.  Now I have always believed in the husband being the head of the household.  But my actions didn’t always show this.  I mentioned I was a strong-willed and driven person.  So I thought I knew best and didn’t honestly want to hear my husband’s opinion.  This was wrong in so many ways, but mainly because we are in a partnership, and I shouldn’t discount his thoughts and suggestions.  I was, also, 100 times nicer and more accepting of other people’s views and opinions outside my home.  But what I have learned from this is, the more I come under actual submission under Chris, the more apparent it is that we really are in this together.  He isn’t trying to rule me.  He listens to my ideas, and we, as a couple, create a solution.

Speak Life and Praise God

Changing my thought life and what I speak, also helped a ton.  I wrote about affirmations and manifesting before, but I started to put this into action.  I began to talk to Chris like the man and husband I knew he could be through Christ.  I spoke positively about our marriage.  I spoke scripture over us.  I asked God to let me be a wife that Chris can love, and he be the husband that I could respect. (Ephesians 5:33)  Allow us to be indeed one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24) Allow us to fulfill our marital duties to each other. (1 Corinthians 7:3).  I also spoke some specific scripture over the goals we had together and individually.  And actually, in my Bible reading now, I specifically look for things that I can turn into prayers and affirmations.  Characteristics of people that God found righteous.  Verses that speak to our identity in Christ.  So…many…proverbs.  I was previously one of those people that was making prayer so hard, and therefore, I struggled.  But God’s Word is so full of things that we can pray over ourselves and our loved ones.  This has made such a huge difference in how I have felt, how I look at situations, and how I handle things.  I am still not 100%, but I’ve come a long way, and it’s important to acknowledge that.

Lastly, it is important to give praise and honor to God for what He is doing in our marriage and our lives.  I make it a point to thank Him daily (multiple times a day really) for what He is doing.  Even if that particular day was terrible, I still thank Him for the work He is doing in our marriage and lives.  This frequently leads to me being thankful for other things and talking to God about what He is doing and His attributes.  I never want to forget who it was that made this happen.  Who allowed us to be able to do the work.  I know for me specifically, when I turned to build my relationship and foundation with God, and then when we brought Him into our marriage, mountains moved.  And to think, it started with me realizing that no, I couldn’t change him, but God could if He saw fit.  Thank God that He ended up changing us both.

Tl;dr? Marriage is hard.  We are in the middle of one now.  Here is what we are doing:

*Get closer to God.  Get selfish.  Focus on you and start doing what brings you joy.

*Don’t mimic other marriages.

*Pray about how YOU can change and do better

*Do a daily devotional with your husband.  Preferably, one with questions.

*Have your husband pray over you, out loud, each day.

*Get your house in order, and both of you come under submission: Christ -> Husband -> Wife

*Speak life into your husband and pray scripture over them.

*Give praise and honor to God along the way.

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Family Food Home

About This Vegan Thing…

Welp, I did it.  I went vegan for February. Errr…for 24 days at least.  I’m officially calling it a vegan journey, but as much as I wanted to stay entirely plant-based, it did not happen.  I bought a bunch of premade “meat” items and some cereal (did you know Captain Crunch and Cinnamon Toast Crunch are vegan?).  I made a quick post on social media about how the first ten days went, so I won’t recap those items (but now that I think about it, I should have made that a blog post).  You can go here to see it. I am going to use this post to talk about my overall thoughts now that it is over and what we are going to do going forward.

I won’t say that I had my hopes super high for this plant-based journey, but I was very much interested in the benefits that I’ve seen with others.  I was, however, disappointed when not only did I not experience many of the benefits, but a couple of my medical conditions became worst (specifically my fructose malabsorption/IBS and my fibromyalgia).  And shockingly, my doctor wasn’t too happy with my decision to go plant-based.  Now, I really should have gone to her before I started and let her know what I was doing.  I didn’t until more than halfway through when I started having some pretty unbearable symptoms. She actually sent me back to a GI.  Who advised me that most likely, my body couldn’t handle the increase in fiber.  So needless to say, I am not going to continue to be vegan or plant-based.

I did lose a total of 7 lbs.  And that was all in the first week, so I do believe it was water weight.  When I added processed vegan foods into our diet, I started to gain 1-2 lbs back.  I would then lose those same 1-2 lbs over and over again.  So while I think most of it was water weight, I could tell looking at my body, I lost weight.  I tend to carry my weight in places that have me in disbelief when I step on the scale or can’t fit certain clothes anymore.  I mean, I’ve gained 20 lbs since I’ve been married and didn’t realize it because it is pretty well hidden in my stomach and thighs lol—areas that are already pretty chunky (or as I like to say healthy).  But I’m starting to see my little shape again!

Here is why I’m okay with my decision to add meat and dairy back to my diet.  I eat pretty healthily regularly.  I’ve eliminated most of the added sugar from my diet.  I very rarely eat processed food.  I dissect food labels before I buy anything (to avoid fructose/sugar and unnecessary ingredients).  And I’m eating more than my fair share of fruits and veggies daily.  But one thing that going plant-based helped me with is seeing that I could be doing better with the range of fruits and vegetables I’m eating.  It doesn’t have to be a side or secondary to meat or pasta in a dish.  It can be the star!  Now I will be making some permanent switches.  Instead of using regular butter, we will switch to plant butter.  I always buy plant milk, but I discovered and love oat milk now.  I’m not afraid of tofu anymore.  I plan on using cashews to make some sauces because it’s been amazing.

Now there are a few symptoms that I am going to try and target with food.  For example, I finally tried celery juice, and it wasn’t bad (today is actually day 2 of me drinking it with my warm lemon water).   And while I’m a little skeptical about the delivery (the guy who founded the movement), I can’t say that the tons of benefits I’ve heard from hundreds of people (seriously search YouTube or Instagram) aren’t tempting.  So I want to try and do celery juice for at least seven days to eliminated some inflammation and see improvements with my depression and anxiety.  Depending on how that goes, I’ll then try 21 days or 30 days.  But I wanted to start this after I made the vegan journey to clearly see the benefits of being vegan vs. benefits of the celery juice.  I mentioned above I have been doing my warm lemon water again.  When I drink it, I immediately notice a change to my digestive system, which is why I want to keep doing it.  But sometimes I skip a day, and that turns into a week.  But since the benefits are immediate, when I get back on track, it helps me on day 1.

I didn’t go plant-based for ethical reasons.  I do care about the animal,s and I wish we as a planet would find a better way to treat them since we are using them as food, but I do believe that it is okay to use them as food.  Maybe when we are in the second Eden, we will be plant-based.  Who knows? 🤷🏽‍♀️ For now, the hubby and I have decided to split our weeks.  3-4 days will be no meat meals, and 3-4 days our meals will have some meat, and it will most likely be seafood or chicken.  I am not a fan of meal planning because my cravings very much lead me.  But I am wanting to plan to buy certain things each week to make sure we have and do better with having prepped quick items I can snack on throughout the day.

But what is the biggest thing I enjoyed most about this journey?  How much Chris enjoyed the food.  If you know us personally, you know that food is a big issue for us.  I love to cook and eat.  Chris, not so much.  I like eating and cooking whole food and meals.  Chris could live on junk and fast food.  It’s led to plenty of arguments and hurt (on my part).  Another thing…Chris hates veggies.  He could go days/weeks without eating vegetables if I didn’t physically put them on his plate.  But Chris frequently went back for seconds and thirds for these meals that were plant-based.  He wasn’t adding things like hot sauce or siracha to cover the food.  I was so happy to see this!  Seriously this made it all worth it!

Have you tried to go plant-based?  What were your results?  Let me know in the comments.

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Family Food

Year of Healthy: February

I’m Going Planet-Based 

If you know me, I can hear you laughing now.  Tanisha…the foodie…giving up meat?  I am.  For the month of February, I decided to go vegan.  I knew on this Year of Healthy journey that I wanted to dedicate at least one month to food (to understand why read this post).  I had a good friend go vegan late last year, and her testimony has been so inspirational that I figured I would give it a go.  I’ll be honest, I expect this to be hard, so I picked the shortest month. 😂 Jokes on me because 2020 is a leap year, so it’s not as short as I expected.

What Is Vegan?

I’m including a quick definition because when I share with people that I am doing this, they make it seem like I can’t eat anything.  According to Webster, a vegan is “a strict vegetarian who consumes no food (such as meat, eggs, or dairy products) that comes from animals.”  That’s it.  What’s a vegetarian? Back to Webster.  “A person who does not eat meat: someone whose diet consists wholly of vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, and sometimes eggs or dairy products.”  That leaves A LOT of options for me to eat.

Now, I have spent some time watching YoutTube videos and reading blog posts and man, the community really gets up in arms about vegan vs. plant-based.  Honestly, the difference seems to be that vegan means a lifestyle.  So you don’t wear anything from an animal, buy anything that came from an animal, etc.  But I also see that vegan means you still can eat processed foods.  Oreos are considered vegan.  While plant-based means you are eliminating animal products AND processed foods.  As of right now, I have no plans on changing my whole life around behind this.  I mean, I think the only animal things I own “may” be leather purses, but I’m not even sure if that is the case.  But for right now, my only change will be with food.  I may continue to learn more that may change this.  The purpose of me picking a topic for a month is to learn what I can and create healthy habits.

Why Plant-Based?

I’ve been working on my relationship with food for a couple of years now.  I’ve done Whole30 plenty of times, which is when you eliminate dairy, grains, legumes, sugar, alcohol, and soy for 30 days.  We live a Whole30 lifestyle 95% of the time because I can’t consume sugar and dairy without having some major stomach issues.  I’ve also gone without meat a couple of times during different fasts that I have done.  My goal is to get the inside of my body healthy.  While I understand medicines are beneficial, I would love to control my different health concerns with food.  I would prefer that I get my vitamins and nutrients from what I eat and drink.  And since the holidays, I have done a horrible job at cooking and eating my vegetables.  It also doesn’t hurt that my husband hates vegetables, and it gets pretty annoying to prepare them and him not eat them.  So going plant-based and trying out different recipes allows me to increase my vegetable intake.  I’m also hoping that a side benefit is that I can show my husband healthy food made only from plants isn’t a bad thing.

How I’m Getting Started

Planning and Preparation.  Those are seriously my two most significant tools for this journey.  I created a vegan section under my food board on Pinterest.  I eat very little processed food day-to-day, and I cook most of my meals at home.  So I will continue doing that.  Because I am cooking with even more fresh produce, I was advised to continue to go to the grocery store multiple times a week to prevent food waste.  I started on Friday by planning enough meals to get me through the weekend.  I hit the store Saturday since I had enough food to get through breakfast and lunch (oatmeal, grits, smoothies…I have options).  I made a grocery list for 2-3 days worth of meals and then picked up what I needed from the store and got to cooking.  I’ve had a fantastic time and experience so far, and a certain someone has even enjoyed the food.  Keep an eye on my Instagram and Facebook stories to see how this goes!  I’ve already created a story highlight just for this journey.  Are you plant-based or have tried vegan before?  Please leave me your tips below in the comments.

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Family Finances Home

Our Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Part 2

I hope that you were able to get some valuable information from last week’s post on Part 1 of our Budget Spreadsheet.  I shared our Income, Giving, Saving, and Debt sections.  To read Part 1, head here.

While what I shared so far are some notable heavy hitters, I believe what I am going to share next are things that we most often have forgotten about.  The things that month to month may be a struggle to remember to pay, or they pop up unexpectedly.  Things like our household bills, auto-related expenses, and subscriptions.  These items for me are still sectioned off on the left side of my budget and grouped with their related bills.  On the right side, they are listed under our Bill Tracker, and most items have trackers to keep up with the day to day details.

Insurance

Our home insurance is connected to our mortgage, but we still have Life Insurance, Auto Insurance, and a Home Warranty to pay for.  If we had any supplemental medical insurance, we would include that here as well.  As a reminder, the left side of our budget consists of the following columns: Budgeted, Actual 1-15, Actual 16-31, Diff/Remaining, and Notes.

I am hiding the section of the Bill Tracker that I showed you last week, so you can still see the column headings.  But here is what the insurance section looks like.  Here I can document the exact Due Date, the exact Amount, the Method of payment (mail check, scheduled, autopay), which Paycheck it will come out of,  and if it’s Confirmed Paid/Payment Cleared.  Then I also have a Notes section here.

Utilities

Depending on where you live, if you rent or own, and what is included with your rent, this section could have less or more than what I have listed.  For us, we only have to worry about Electric, Security System, Internet, and our Cell Phone.  But for others, they may also include Cable, Water, and Trash.

Here is what the Utilities section looks like under the Bill Tracker.

Home

This is another section that will depend on your specific living situation.  In this Home section, we include almost everything else dealing with the home that hasn’t already been covered.  For us, that contains Groceries, Home Improvement (a sinking fund which I will discuss later), Yard Maintenance, Alarm Permit Renewal, Pest Control, Septic System Agreement, and Septic Permit.  A lot of these are quarterly or yearly payments and can be a considerable chunk out of a paycheck if it hits all at once.  So having it here in our budget allows us to put money towards it each paycheck.  For example, our Septic System Agreement can cost up to $450 a year.  So instead of paying all of that out of one check, we can set aside $37.50 from our “bill light” paycheck (meaning we don’t have a ton of bills coming out) each month.  Then when it is time to pay the agreement, we pull the $450 we have saved to pay it.

For the Bill Tracker section Home, I only have listed actual bills that need to get paid.  This section is essential, especially for the bills that are due quarterly and yearly.  When I created this sheet and going forward every year with my planning, I will include the estimated due date and amount here until I get the actual invoice/bill.  So, for example, I see last year in November is when we paid for our Septic Agreement.  It is yearly, so I know this year, in November, it will be due again.  My tracker will most likely show an 11/01 due date to help me plan out the monthly amount I need to save.  And then, when I get the invoice in September or October, I will update the exact due date and amount.

This section also includes the first of the specific trackers.  Probably like many of you, if there is one area of our budget that we are likely to overspend, it is on food.  I love eating, and I love cooking.  A couple of years ago, due to some health issues, I had to make a significant change in the type of food I was buying and cooking, which increased our food budget.  Knowing how easy it is to have this category get out of control, I knew I needed to create a Grocery Tracker.  One thing that has changed recently is I am going to the grocery store a couple of times a week (from 5 times in November to 12 times in December).  I am trying to reduce the amount of food we end up wasting because it stays hanging around for too long.  So each trip I document the Date I went, the Amount spent, the Place I went to, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. One difference is the total here gets automatically plugged into the Groceries category in the Home section of our budget. And that cell is merged because it doesn’t exactly matter much for me which paycheck we spend money on groceries. After all, it is something that is needed, no matter what.  Here is a sneak peek: Next month’s topic for Year of Healthy will be me going vegan (just for that one month).  This will be interesting to see how that impacts my budget as I always hear (and have experienced) that it is more expensive to eat healthily.  But cutting out meat and other animal products should help.

Auto

The auto section is where we have our Gas, Car Maintenance, and Car Registration listed.  I can also tell you that Driver’s License Renewal will get added to this section thanks to me thinking I lost mine last month and having to order a new only to find it later. Car Maintenance and Car Registration are both categories that we tend to save up for by putting money aside each paycheck mostly.  But due to the number of miles we drive each month, we have to get an oil change on at least one of the cars each month.  So at a minimum, we have to put that amount aside each month.

For the Bill Tracker, this is where we keep Car Registration #1 and Car Registration #2.  Ours come in the mail what feels like 3-4 months before they are due, and as someone who frequently forgets hers, it needed to be added to the budget.

Based on us having to get an oil change for one of our cars monthly, you may have concluded that one of our vehicles gets a lot of miles put on it, which means a ton of trips to the gas station.  While I can get away with going once a month, my husband sometimes has to go 2-3 times a week.  To keep up with how much gas is costing us each month and if we need to increase our budgeted amount, we track the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Car was filled up, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. This helps us keep an eye on which gas station tends to have the lowest price for gas, and we can plan better.

His/Her

His/Her section covers items that are specific to Chris or I.  This is where we will have our Blow $ allowance, Clothing allowance, and Personal Care (hair/nails/etc.).  You will notice that Chris has an Entertainment section, and I don’t.  At first, I thought that I don’t need one because Chris is more likely to go out to the movies with his friends, whereas if I go, it will be with him and will go in the next section we talk about.  But this would probably be a good spot for any books I buy. I usually put them under blow $.  I’ll try it for a month, and we will see.  Also, this is where I keep the categories for my Website Domain and Website Support.

Out of all of those categories, the only ones that go on our Bill Tracker pertains to my Website Domain and Website Support.

All others get tracked under the His and Her Trackers that we have.  Here we are monitoring the Date, Amount, Place, if the Payment Cleared and Notes.  This is only for transactions that we use our debit card for.  So if Chris and I decide to take out cash for our blow $, we wouldn’t include that info here.  But again, having this track the individual purchases helps with planning our budget for things like clothes or personal care that may not be a monthly thing or may have one month that has more spending than others (like when Chris needs a new uniform for work). Notes usually are where I will document which category the transaction would be apart of.

Sinking Funds

Another section that I picked up from following Dave Ramsey is Sinking Funds.  A sinking fund is a mini savings “account” that I may or may not use each month.  For us, this includes a Pet Fund, Date Nights, Eating Out, Gifts & Misc., Medical Expenses, and Home Goods.  Most of these are also areas that we can quickly cut if we need more wiggle room in our budget (except the Pet Fund and Medical Expenses).

We do have a Sinking Funds Tracker where we can track the specific transactions for all the sections mentioned above.  Here we document the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Sinking Fund it goes to, if the Payment Cleared, and Notes.  We also record our Home Improvement sinking fund transactions here as well from the Home Section.  Putting money aside in that fund monthly, helps me save for a larger project we do during the year like redoing our patio or my office.

Subscriptions

This is a newer section for us because when I was going through our bank transactions, these little suckers always came up unexpectedly because we didn’t plan for them.  While I usually would have generic categories here, I wanted to leave our exact subscriptions to help refresh your memory! This section took three months to build out because each month, I was saying, “Oh yea, we pay for that also.”  Some are monthly. Some are yearly.  Some we canceled for the moment but may use again.  Either way, it is all here, so I know that it comes from our budget.

I consider these bills, so they go under our Bill Tracker as well. Because most of these are on Autopay, it has been a lifesaver knowing when they are going to hit our account.  And seeing the number of subscriptions we had, made us do some cutting down.

Odd Balls/Summary

I keep this Odd Ball section just in case there is a random category that comes up that doesn’t fit any of the other sections or categories that I already have.  I have yet to use it, but just in case.  The final part of our monthly budget is our summary.  They are formulas that show what is left after our Actual Expenses are subtracted from our Actual Income and what is left after our Budgeted Expenses are deducted from our Budgeted Income.  This gives me a high-level view of if our budget is in the red for the month and lets me know I need to make some adjustments.

Here is a full view of what the Bill Tracker looks like.

What’s Next

Since Finances are such a big part of my life and super important to talk about when it comes to marriage and families, I am thinking about adding another month to focus on budgeting.  Maybe talk a bit about our goals, paying down debt, or even what it took to transition to a one-income family.  Let me know what you think about our Budget Spreadsheet and if you have any topics you want me to cover in the second month.

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Family Finances Home

Our Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Part 1

If you have read any of the Year of Healthy posts from January, you learned that I have a love for budgeting.  You also learned that after taking a break from handling our household budget, I decided to break out a spreadsheet that helped us previously and update it a bit.  I wanted to share with you what our monthly budget spreadsheet looks like.  To get some more background information check out the previous posts here and here.

All In One Place

While this post will talk about our monthly budget, I do want to touch on what else is in this excel document.  I am a firm believer in having all you need in one place for almost every area of my life.  That is probably why I have a lint roller in the living room, laundry room, bedroom, bathroom, and the closet.  It just doesn’t make sense to me to have to go hunting for things.  So when it was time to update our budget spreadsheet, I knew I wanted it to include all things financial for us.  I may do a post later showing the specifics of what else is included but for now, here is a quick list:

  • PayDay Calendar
  • Mortgage Tracking (Statement Info, Date Pymts Posted, Escrow Details, Principal Balance, Interest Paid Balance, Estimated Equity)
  • Financial Goals (Monthly, Yearly, Lifetime)
  • Bank Transactions
  • Yearly Budget (until 2021)

Monthly Template

One thing I did while putting together the spreadsheet was to create a new tab for each month.  That way, when things come up that are in the future, I can already have a spot designated for it.  For example, if we decide to take a trip in May, I can increase our blow money for that month during my planning in January.  Each month already has my budget template, and I only need to update it if I make significant changes.

On the left side of the template is the actual budget.  I have our income and expenses sectioned off in groups because it makes it so much easier to see where our money is going.  I have a column labeled Budgeted, and that is where I do my preplanning for what we expect to receive income-wise and spend expense wise. The next column is Actual 1-15. Any money actually received or spent will get documented under this column for the first half of the month.  The second half of the month is recorded under the column Actual 16-31.  The final two columns are Diff/Remaining, which I have set as a formula to let me know where we either overspent or underspent by subtracting our Actual from our Budgeted and lastly, a Notes column.

On the right side, is my trackers.  Each major group has one, so I can keep track of the totals and sometimes compare it to our goals.  Some of our sections, like gas, needs to be tracked in more detail than just saying we will spend $250 this month.  We can see which car is using more gas, etc.  This side also has our Debt Snowball information, our bill tracker with specifics such as due dates, how it was paid, and if it has cleared yet.

Let’s jump into the different sections and trackers.  *By the way, I include blank shots of our template.  I’m just not there yet with showing specific numbers on the intranets.  I hope you feel me!*

Income

This section in our budget is pretty self-explanatory.  Any income that comes into our household gets documented here.  That could be traditional employment, business income, rental/investment income, side hustle income, gifts.  It all goes into our income section.  Since it is just Chris and me, we have it noted as His Salary and Her Salary and then a couple of spots for Extra Income.  For this section and every section, we have a formula for the subtotal and also for the Diff/Remaining column.

On the right side, we do have a Paycheck Tracker.  Although it probably should be titled, Income Tracker.  But this is where I track the details of our income.  Specifically, the date received and what type it was.  If you expect to get rental income every month on the first, under Extra Income #1, you will document 1/1/20 with a Target amount of $1,000.  If that is what you actually get, you record the Actual amount to $1,000.  This is extremely helpful for those who don’t have a consistent income amount.  We expect our paycheck to be a certain amount every month, but different variables could have us receiving more.  I only want to budget off of what I know we will receive.  Anything extra is an added benefit that I can distribute out once that money is in my hands.

Giving

Our next section is giving.  I am a Christian, and I believe in tithing.  For me, tithing is done before paying anything else as I am a firm believer in God being able to make the rest stretch as long as I give Him my first fruits.  I actually already have the formula set up in that field based on our total income.  Right now, it is documented as 10% Tithe, but I believe that one day we will be able to do more.  This section is also where I include our Offerings amount and extra spaces for monetary Donations that we make during the month to charities or those in need.

My YTD Giving Tracker helps me track our giving towards our specific goals.  Under Target, I list out our goal (for example, 10% of our annual income would be our 10% Tithe target), and each month, I would update the Actual amount.  I have a formula set up for Percent Given.  This allows me to make sure we are on track each month.  If I get to, let’s say, July, and for some reason, we are under 50% of our goal, it is time to reevaluate or confirm that the rest of the year has us hitting our goal.

Saving

I also believe in paying yourself first before you pay anybody else.  I’ve seen (and done) too often, people who wait until everything is paid before they put any money in savings and then they are left with nothing.  This doesn’t work for us because we have goals that we are trying to hit.  In the past, we have followed Dave Ramsey, and he says that you should start with saving an Emergency Fund of $1,000 before you start paying off debt.  That is more of a short term goal that we may already have accomplished.  But if we ever have to use the fund, we need to focus on building it again.  And that is why it keeps a permanent spot on our budget.  We then have a place for Retirement.  The older we get, the more critical this section is.  As a No Car Note family, we need to keep that going for as long as possible.  That means we need to save for our next set of cars, which happens in the New Car Fund.  Our next one is a calculation.  Have you ever heard the statistic that, if you pay one additional payment a year to the principal on a 30-year mortgage, it will remove seven years from your mortgage?  That’s seven years of interest I do not have to pay!  So we take that one extra payment and divide it by 12 to know how much extra we have to put aside each month in our House Fund.  We would also use this when it comes time to save for a new house.  For additional money that we want to save for no specific purpose, we have a Savings Goal section.  This is also a formula that can calculate 5%, 10%, or 25% of your total income.  If you are in school and paying for it out of pocket (like I was), there is a Tuition section.  Many financial gurus will tell you about the benefit of having a certain amount of your monthly expenses set aside in case of job loss.  Depending on who you follow, that amount could be anywhere from 3-12 months.  I prefer to save in 3-month increments for our goal.  So we currently have it set as 3-6 Months Expenses.  Finally, we have our Vacation Fund to save for those vacation dreams we have.

I threw in some sample numbers so you could see what the YTD Savings Tracker looks like in action with the goals listed.  Target is where we keep our goal numbers for each section.  Each month, as deposits are made into these funds, the Actual amount gets updated.  Then the formula I have under Percent Saved will calculate and let us know how on track with our goals we are.  Admittedly, some of these goals have to take a back burner depending on whats going on in our life.  Some gurus will tell you only to have an emergency fund while paying debt.  Other’s will show you how to save in all these areas AND pay off debt, albeit slowly.

Debt

Although this tends to be a substantial section, the numbers are pretty straightforward.  The Debt section is where I list our budgeted and actual payments for our Mortgage, Credit Cards, Car Notes, Student Loans, and any Other Debt you have.  (I’ve added Student Loans up here because I know that is a large amount of the debt those in America carry.  We were lucky to pay mine off before we bought our house and cash flow, my classes, when I take them).  The Budgeted section here will show the minimum payment amount only.  Once we make the payment (which hopefully is always more than the minimum), we update the Actual section.

The Debt Snowball Tracker is for me one of my favorite parts on this spreadsheet.  But it can also be the most shocking if you haven’t taken stock of your financial situation before.  This is another section where I have added sample numbers for you to see.  The Debt Snowball is where we track the overall totals of our debt.  I include the Due Date since those are typically fixed.  Then I add in the Original amount for the debt.  Each month, I update the Balance.  And the formula calculates the Percent Paid.  I document the Interest Rate to keep an eye on those.  And I update the Per Statement Date to show where I got the balance from.  Plugging in all of those numbers will then have the formula calculate the Total Current Debt and the Debt Starting Point.  Then I have a section for the Total Debt Paid Off, which gives me the dollar amount that we have already paid off and the percentage.

The Bill Tracker is the biggest section on the right side of the spreadsheet, but I am going to break it up.  This section here is where I track the payment information for the debt that we have.  I document the exact Due Date, the exact Amount, the Method of payment (mail check, scheduled, autopay), which Paycheck it will come out of,  and if it’s Confirmed Paid/Payment Cleared.  Then I also have a Notes section here.  While the Debt Snowball Tracker shows the total amount of debt we have, the Debt section of our Budget shows the minimum payment due, and what we plan to pay, the Debt section of our Bill Tracker focuses on the monthly payments that we actually make.

Next Time

Next week, I will go into details about our other bills, subscriptions, blow money, and savings categories for some of those areas.  Let me know below if you have a budget spreadsheet or what you think of ours!

Categories
Family Finances Home

Year of Healthy: January

This last quarter of 2019 was a doozy for our household. We’ve had two major appliances breakdown (one decided to go out twice) and our septic system is on the outs.  You are probably wondering, “Why is this an issue when things break?”  Well, we built our house four years ago and no way were we expecting things to start to go downhill in a major way. Let alone, all at the same time.  This has had my husband and I sitting down and figuring out what the heck we were going to do.  Because let’s be serious, no matter what others think, we aren’t rolling in dough.  My husband is active duty military and I’m a recent housewife who is trying to figure out this entrepreneural world.  With 2020 and a new decade here, it’s the best time to work on our budgets.

Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch

Who woulda thought it’d turn me to a savage?

Background Info

I’ve always had a love for numbers.  I’m pretty sure it’s a love that was passed down from my grandmother to my father and then to me.  When I was 14, a family member started a business and I took on the role of bookkeeper.  I also started to help manage my family’s household budget.  I was able to get an understanding of what it took to run a home.  I learned about mortgages, credit cards, and groceries.  It may be different now but in the early 2000’s they were not teaching these things in high school.  I did discover accounting while in high school and enjoyed it so much I made it to a leadership conference for the state.  I honestly couldn’t tell you why I didn’t pursue that path.  But I did start working with finances and eventually financial institutions a week after high school.  Most of the time I was pursuing a college degree, it was connected to Finance, Financial Planning, Business or Human Services.  (I may talk about that path one day but I am honestly still trying to figure it out myself).  But when my job shifted to project management, I put finance on the backburner when it came to my dreams.

I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it

Personally, when we got married, we made the decision that I would handle the finances.  Combining our money was easy enough and paying the bills was the same.  We didn’t have any major issues.  When we planned on building our house, we knew we wanted to pay off all of our debt.  It would make it easier to get a loan and a good interest rate.  So that was our goal.  We paid off all my student loans, two car notes, and a couple of credit cards we had.  All in all, the total was over $50,000.  We then saved a bit to have a down payment (even though one wasn’t needed) and pay points (and I still don’t know if this was the best idea).  Then when we decided that I would quit my job and start a business three years later, we did the same thing.  We paid off all credit card debt we had. And while I know that debt (especially credit card debt) isn’t that great, it didn’t stop us from accumulating it each time.  We were impatient with things we wanted and used credit cards as a cushion.  Over and over again.

I don’t mean to brag, but I be like, “Put it in the bag,” yeah

When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah

Fast forward to my Sabbatical in 2019, I was burnt out on all things including managing our household.  When I left to travel, I turned over everything to my husband.  I was being emotionally irresponsible but I was at a breaking point.  But the lesson I learned through that time was how not to spend money on things I didn’t need.  And even my idea of what I needed, changed.  It took months but I feel like I no longer cared about material things.  When I came back home, I didn’t take over the finances.  I was still very overwhelmed with life and trying to figure out my next steps.  I needed to know what my new normal would look like after being gone for five months.  That brings me to the present.  We decided instead of one of us having a hands-off approach to our finances we really need to do it together.  And this is where our goals and new routines come in.

Whoever said money can’t solve your problems

Must not have had enough money to solve ’em

They say, “Which one?” I say, “Nah, I want all of ’em”

Creating a Budget

I have a spreadsheet that I created from a Facebook post that inspired me back in 2016.  I decided to bring that back and update it.  I added new categories based on our current bills and expenses.  And thanks to a YouTube channel (review coming soon), I also added a yearly budget in addition to the monthly budget I normally do.  Having this spreadsheet alleviates me having to remember things from month to month.  Most of the due dates and amounts of our bills don’t change.  The hardest part each month for us was remembering all of those details including bills that didn’t happen monthly but we still needed to plan for.  Not to mention some type of savings to handle incidentals, goals, and wants.  Having a budget allows us to plan for our future and then follow that plan.

Buy myself all of my favorite things 

Initial Conversation About Goals

While I created our spreadsheet, I needed to make sure Chris was apart of creating it.  Which was helpful because I forgot things, he remembered.  I remembered things, that he forgot.  We also talked about what our goals were and realized they were just a tad bit different (after almost ten years together, that happens).  He wanted to immediately pay off debt and I wanted to build a savings cushion first.  I wanted to start planning out ways to generate income without us having to go to a job every day.  He didn’t want to have to wait to buy the things he wanted.  We need to get on the same page and create our short and long term goals.  We need to break them down into monthly, yearly and lifetime goals. Then decide what actions we need to take to make those happen.

Yeah, my receipts, be lookin’ like phone numbers

Regular Conversations About the Budget

I’ve always heard that finances are one of the biggest problems when it comes to marriage.  We didn’t have that problem because we didn’t talk about it.  When we both were working this was easy because we didn’t really have to say no to anything.  If we didn’t have the cash, we put it on a card and worried about paying it off later.  When we moved to one income and had to hear no more often, it really didn’t bother us too much.  But when things started to happen with appliances in the house, we didn’t have a way to say no without it really impacting our lives.  I like washing clothes daily.  I cooked way too much not to have a working refrigerator and I liked flushing the toilet after use.  All first world problems that I have become used to.  With broken appliances, comes repair or possible replacement cost.  And with costs moving into the thousands, we need to figure out how to come up with this money and quick. Which means we need to start talking about money.  What expenses did we have that we can get rid of?  What ways can we make more money without compromising our time and other goals we set for ourselves?

You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it

I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it 

Turning Plans Into Actions

After we create our budget and then talk about it on the regular, we need to actually make sure we are hitting our goals.  There are two ways to eliminate debt and save money.  One way is to decrease spending and the other is to increase income.  There are many financial gurus out there who advocate for one way or the other.  I plan on doing a bunch of research to find what are some of the best ways for us to do one or the other or both.  We also will start to include our finances in our prayers.  I know for me, I sometimes don’t want to bother God with those types of things.  Outside of praying to hit the lottery, I don’t talk to God about helping me come up with the money for an unexpected expense.  And that has to change.  I’ve seen God do some amazing things and my faith in Him needs to extend into all areas of my life including our finances.

I’d rather spoil all my friends with my riches

Think retail therapy my new addiction

Let’s Do This

Like previous months, keep an eye out on my stories on Instagram and Facebook to see how we plan on doing all of this.  I’ll share books, podcasts, and YouTube channels that I am diving into.  I’ll even share my spreadsheet.  Two major holidays just passed in December for us.  My birthday and Christmas.  Christmas is a major spending holiday and for the past two years, we have been able to avoid making purchases the focus.  Truthfully, my greatest gift would be for us to find financial freedom.  So I can do without all of the crazy spending that we normally do.  It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.  Plus, we can always plan for next year.

Enjoyed the quotes throughout this post?  Check out 7 Rings by Ariana Grande. Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!

Music video by Ariana Grande performing 7 rings. © 2019 Republic Records, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.

Categories
Family

Goodbye 30, Hello 31

2019 was a bitch. I hate to say it that way, but there is just no other way. I’ve never been one to focus on milestone years as significant life-changing years or think I needed to do certain things by a certain age. But reflecting on me being 30 and I’m wondering if this is really a thing. I was so excited to turn 30. Ushered in the year with a fantastic photoshoot, surrounded by amazing people, had a great dinner with even better people, pics with Santa, drinks afterward, and the night ended with an impromptu dance party in the parking lot. I just knew 2019 was going to be my year. Then a mixture of things went wrong. Shady ass people and friendships. A separation. Lies and deception.  Being let down in a big way by my church home and family.  All leading to a depression that honestly even a year later, I haven’t been able to shake completely. My panic attacks returned. My anxiety went through the roof to the point that I wouldn’t leave my house for weeks at a time. And even when I started to make moves to do better, the depression and anxiety stayed around. The lack of motivation remained. It was suffocating, and I felt like I was drowning. Constantly.  And I feel like it all centered around a loss of identity.  I no longer fit into any of the boxes I created for myself.

I started this blog to document what I am using to help me work through all of that. I was reading more, started watching movies and tv again, listening to podcasts, music, and sermons. I was retaking time to pour into me.  And I wanted a place to share all of that because I felt like I couldn’t be alone in these feelings and needing things to help me through them.  And if I wasn’t the only one, maybe someone else could be helped by what I found helpful.  But as I mentioned before, this lack of motivation and the continued depressed state wouldn’t go away.  While I do feel like moments have gotten better, I still have some tough days.  So what does this mean for me now that I have turned 31 and in 2020?  Self-care is always going to be a significant focus.  Year of Healthy is all about taking care of me and becoming the healthiest version of myself in all areas of my life.  But I also want to make it about others.  I think that was the primary thing missing for me last year.  Because I was traveling and switching church homes, I was no longer serving in church like before.  Because I was dealing with some friendship issues, I became a crappy friend to the ones that were left.  And I still suck at consistent communication with my family.  All of that needs to change.

As I reflect on the last year of my life and even going back to previous years, I realize that I also need to focus on the good things that have happened.  I need to celebrate the moments of overcoming, the joyous occasions, the small stuff.  I’ve lost a lot of people in the last ten years that have made it abundantly clear that life is short.  People I thought I would have more time with were taken away, and in those moments, I realized that I would give all I have away to get back one second with them.  This means the moments that I currently have need to be spent focusing on people and being joyful.  I don’t want any regrets.  I want to be able to say that every moment was lived to the fullest.  Spending time harping on the negative, complaining, and just downright being selfish has done nothing for me but made me feel worst.  I understand the need to feel the emotions and acknowledge them, but I don’t have to stay there.  I always liked the quote that puts our time into money.  It talks about someone taking $10 from your bank account that has $86,400 in it and if you would throw away the $86,390 behind the $10.  The answer should always be no, right?  But that is what I do each time when I am pissed or frustrated about something that took 10 seconds to happen, and then I spend the rest of the day focused on it.  Lord, don’t let me be pissed for multiple days.  How much money am I throwing away then?

It’s time for me to take all that I have learned and do a better job of applying it.  To become a better person and to help and serve others.  To minimize my complaining and maximize my gratitude.  I will continue to document that journey here on the blog and my Instagram and Facebook pages.  I will continue to be in deep prayer about what God wants my journey to look like and ways that I can serve you here.  Thank you for rocking with me these past few months.  I pray that you are finding something that can help you.

“For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.” – Galatians 5:13 CSB

Check out some of my favorite posts from last year:

Book Review: Letters to the Church

2019 Word of the Year: Growth

2020 Word of the Year: Healthy

All 66 Books

Book Review: The 5 AM Club