Tag: Marriage

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Book Review Faith Book Review Family Book Review

Book Review: You And Me Forever By Francis and Lisa Chan

Title: You And Me Forever

Author: Francis and Lisa Chan

Genre: Christian/Marriage

Publisher: Claire Love Publishing

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 

I love Francis Chan books. I even have one of them in my top 5 list of all time. And while this book was a great read, I couldn’t give it five stars because this marriage book wasn’t really about marriage. I mean, the book talked about marriage, and it spoke of parenthood, but overall the book was about your relationship with God and how we should focus on the mission of Jesus to go and make disciples.  So when you think of the book in light of that, it was a solid 4-star read.

My Thoughts

I’ve had this book on my list and in my Apple Books library for a while now.  When I was on a Francis Chan binge a year or two ago, I had plans to read it, but then I was ready for something else.  So when my church had a Wives After God small group, and they were reading this book, I signed up.  We did one chapter a week, and usually, that is too slow for me and why I typically fail at book club-type groups. But because this season was a tad bit busy for me and I wanted to do a better job resting, it was actually what I needed.

 

So the big issue with the book.  The fact that it is supposed to be a marriage book.  If you are expecting step-by-step guidance on how to have a better marriage, communicate better, etc., this isn’t the book for you.  Instead, you have seven short chapters that focus on why marriage (and all the things that come with that, like parenting) aren’t about you and your spouse at all.  Everything is about God, the command to make disciples, and remembering that our home is in heaven.

The book starts by explaining that our home is in heaven and how we should keep eternity instead of our temporary homes and relationships in the forefront of our minds.  And by doing that and following God’s Word, you will have a good life and marriage almost by default.  Not trouble-free, since we aren’t promised that.  Chan’s thoughts are that if we focus on doing all we can to get into heaven, get others into heaven, and storing up our treasures for heaven, our marriages will work themselves out if both spouses have the same mindset.  It leaves little room for fighting and misunderstandings.

 

And that is what the book is about.  It’s about first making sure that you have your salvation worked out.  Cause let’s be serious, if you aren’t going to be in heaven with Jesus, there isn’t a point to talk about anything else.  But once you are saved, the Chan’s then focus on working out your salvation daily with sanctification and fearing God.  What are you praying about?  What order are the priorities in your life? Are you reading God’s Word? Are you taking action on what you are reading?  And when you think about what the Bible says about marriage, it starts to make sense.  First, Jesus tells us we won’t be married in heaven.  Then Paul tells us it’s better to be single so you can focus just on God.  And then most of what we hear about marriage after that is about the marriage of the bride (the Church) and the bridegroom (Jesus).  The Bible talks about that union, what it will look like, and how we are to prepare for it.  But if you are like me, your earthly marriage probably doesn’t have anything to do with heaven.

 

So the first four chapters are really about how to individually and together as a couple get connected to God, live out the mission of Christ, and focus on your time in heaven.  You get some pointers on how to do that, and along with Chapter 5, you focus on what the reward looks like when you do all of that.  Then Chapter 6 talks about parenting.  But again, not in light of marriage.  But basically, what you need to do to show your kids that you are following Christ as a couple instead of just telling them they should follow Christ.  Then a nice conclusion ties it all up, telling you to continue the good fight.

The book itself is interactive.  Each chapter is mainly written from Francis Chan’s voice.  Then there is a section that is specifically from Lisa, followed by a conclusion.  Then there is a do something aspect for each chapter.  This section is filled with ideas on what you can do with your spouse to ensure you are living out what the chapter taught you.  There are also plenty of discussion topics as well.  You have the option to buy the accompanying study guide with the book (I did but honestly didn’t finish it).  And there are also videos to go along with each chapter from the Chan’s.  But here is the best part.  You can read this book for free.  If you go to www.youandmeforever.com, you can download the eBook for free!  It’s a gift to your marriage from the Chan’s.

 

So while this wasn’t my favorite book by Francis Chan, and I was a bit thrown off about it not being a marriage book, it was still a solid read regarding what our focus should be daily.  This book made me realize that I don’t spend time thinking about eternity, let alone making all my decisions in light of it.  In my morning prayer time with God, I decided to try and ask Him daily to allow me to impact eternity today.  I will also schedule a sit-down with the hubby and see how our family values can align with God’s mission of saving souls and making disciples.

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Faith Family Marriage

In The Middle of a Hard Marriage

When I settled on marriage as one of my March themes for Year of Healthy, I had no intention of actually writing about it.  I mentioned that it was extremely personal, and I hadn’t been released to from God or my husband.  Then one weekend, while talking with Chris, we were going over how we both have had some wins lately.  In our marriage and out of our marriage.  We recognized that it was because of God and openly gave Him praise.  Then I started to think about some of the advice I’ve been given throughout our marriage.  What worked and what didn’t work.   I thought about the research I did when I was struggling and what I found and what I didn’t find.  One of the things that I did not see was someone that was in the middle of difficulties and what they did.  So many people gave advice multiple years removed from their struggles.  The frustrating part would be, when they reminisced about having a difficult time, but couldn’t tell you how they overcame them.  I vividly remember only two people that were able to give me advice on what they did (I will mention that these two people, we look to as wise counsel, and they have sat with us multiple times, mostly individually).  So after talking to Chris about that, I told him I wanted to share our “in the middle.”  He gave me his blessing, and I believe, that, and the fact that this even popped into my mind, was God’s way of saying do it.  I will say this will obviously be written from my perspective and thoughts.  Chris will read it before it’s published (as he does any post where he is mentioned, or the information may be sensitive to us – like when finance was my topic).  My goal is to write in such a way that I don’t have to remove anything.

Very Little Background

Today, we are celebrating eight years of marriage.  In the midst of 2019, I would have told you that each year was getting harder. Before marriage, I was someone who was driven, strong-willed, and a planner.  I knew exactly how I wanted my life to go, and I followed that plan.  And expected it to continue when I got married.  But the first three years, disrupted that plan.  Now to be fair, I want to point out that we had some outside factors that impacted our marriage that we could not prevent.  The first three years were lived in a blur. Those first three years, we were in survival mode and didn’t have time to have problems.  Once things settled, though, that is when our problems started.  The next five years were hell because we refused to deal with those earlier issues or communicate at all.

But I also thought I knew what was right.  That plan I created?  Even though things didn’t go that way, I expected us to get back on track.  And when it didn’t happen, I focused on other things.  But because I wasn’t successful at being a wife, I started questioning every other role in my life.  I eventually lost who I was.  Now, this wasn’t at the fault of my husband.  More so from what I exposed myself to.  Other people and marriages that I was trying to mimic ours around.  Things that I wanted to do that were discouraged. Somethings I didn’t want to do, that was pushed on me. I was so unhappy that I was willing to change anything.  So I tried to do what I saw people who appeared to be happy do.  This is the dangerous part of building a community.  I got to a point where I couldn’t take any of it anymore.  If you have read some of my previous posts, you will know that in 2019, I left for what I call a sabbatical.  During that time, I strengthened my relationship with God and dived into His Word.  I focused on me.  I had to work through all of this when I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I couldn’t tell you what I liked.  And what I could come up with (for example reading), I hadn’t done in ages.  It was time for a change, so I started working on me.

But I Can Change Him

Now, some advice that I have been given a bunch of times was I can’t change Chris.  And I tried to—a lot. I fought against this advice because I wasn’t the problem.  He was, and he had all types of issues to work out. It took me a while, but I realized that this was toxic thinking.  Because I was trying to make myself out to be perfect. I was also speaking horribly over my life partner. And let’s be real, the problems in our marriage, clearly showed that HIS issues were really OUR issues.  So all of the years, I spent trying to get him to change was wasted.  Because guess what? You can’t change another person.  Well, you kind of can, but we will get to that in a second.  But one thing you can for sure change is yourself.  Give me a moment to explain because if you were like me, you are probably yelling at your screen, saying, “I am not the problem!”

After a million times trying to change Chris, I gave up.  It was exhausting; I was drained; I was tired.  I decided to become selfish.  But in a good way. I went searching for things that bought me joy.  Because of my personality, a lot of that ended up being self-improvement things.  I was reading again.  I was listening to podcasts.  What I was watching on T.V. was either educational or funny.  Now, to be completely honest,  this was shortly after a time where God was convicting me on the useless things I allowed to come into my spirit.  I wasn’t listening to secular music.  I wasn’t watching movies with a bunch of cursing and sex scenes.  But I want to be clear that although this is something that God convicted me on, it ended up helping me find me and what I enjoyed again. I also focused on how each thing could be applied to my life and what changes I could make because of what I was taking in.  This became a big part of why I created this blog and what I try and showcase.  How I saw things and thought about things was changing.  What I worried and stressed over was changing.  And then I realized, maybe how I was handling my marriage was wrong.  So my prayer became, God, how can I become the wife you need me to be for Chris?  I finally realized that Chris wasn’t going to change.  But I could. I was already starting to see what focusing on me was doing. What would happen if instead of doing this for me, I did it for my marriage? My relationships with others? My community?  I started to focus on being a better person for others after I took the time to focus on me.

That’s Great And All But What About My Marriage

Now our marriage didn’t magically become better.  I had moments where I slipped up.  Things were still pretty rough.  But after one particularly bad argument, we were told to do somethings that I think added to the work I was already doing.  We were told to do a daily devotional together.  And for Chris to pray out loud for me every day.  We were giving some other things to do, but those two things are what we were told to start with that we are currently doing.  We are doing the Kingdom Marriage Devotional by Tony Evans (I’m also reading the book on my own).  The devotional is formated in a brief 1 1/2 page devotional, three application questions, and a prayer.  Specifically, the questions have allowed us to be open and honest and communicate with each other about things that are important to our marriage.  Things that we had long forgotten about or just didn’t seem relevant to each other.  This paved the way for conversations that came from our answers, us sharing our concerns, and just being able to talk again.  It was a safe space to say, “this is the problem I have, and I would like to work through it.”  We always add to the prayer that Dr. Evans gives and try to cover things that we spoke about in our answers.  Chris also prays over me before he leaves for work.  This has made me feel loved and appreciated. We have started to dream again and talk about goals.  The important part is we are back communicating.

We are a long way from our problems being fixed.  We still have to do work every single day. But we see fruit from this.  In our marriage and our individual lives.  I think this is because we finally found the right order to things (thanks to the book).  My husband had to come under submission to Christ as the head of our household.  Not saying that wasn’t done previously, but it wasn’t done with intentionality and wholeheartedly.  At the same time (and that part is essential), I had to come under the submission of my husband.  Now I have always believed in the husband being the head of the household.  But my actions didn’t always show this.  I mentioned I was a strong-willed and driven person.  So I thought I knew best and didn’t honestly want to hear my husband’s opinion.  This was wrong in so many ways, but mainly because we are in a partnership, and I shouldn’t discount his thoughts and suggestions.  I was, also, 100 times nicer and more accepting of other people’s views and opinions outside my home.  But what I have learned from this is, the more I come under actual submission under Chris, the more apparent it is that we really are in this together.  He isn’t trying to rule me.  He listens to my ideas, and we, as a couple, create a solution.

Speak Life and Praise God

Changing my thought life and what I speak, also helped a ton.  I wrote about affirmations and manifesting before, but I started to put this into action.  I began to talk to Chris like the man and husband I knew he could be through Christ.  I spoke positively about our marriage.  I spoke scripture over us.  I asked God to let me be a wife that Chris can love, and he be the husband that I could respect. (Ephesians 5:33)  Allow us to be indeed one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24) Allow us to fulfill our marital duties to each other. (1 Corinthians 7:3).  I also spoke some specific scripture over the goals we had together and individually.  And actually, in my Bible reading now, I specifically look for things that I can turn into prayers and affirmations.  Characteristics of people that God found righteous.  Verses that speak to our identity in Christ.  So…many…proverbs.  I was previously one of those people that was making prayer so hard, and therefore, I struggled.  But God’s Word is so full of things that we can pray over ourselves and our loved ones.  This has made such a huge difference in how I have felt, how I look at situations, and how I handle things.  I am still not 100%, but I’ve come a long way, and it’s important to acknowledge that.

Lastly, it is important to give praise and honor to God for what He is doing in our marriage and our lives.  I make it a point to thank Him daily (multiple times a day really) for what He is doing.  Even if that particular day was terrible, I still thank Him for the work He is doing in our marriage and lives.  This frequently leads to me being thankful for other things and talking to God about what He is doing and His attributes.  I never want to forget who it was that made this happen.  Who allowed us to be able to do the work.  I know for me specifically, when I turned to build my relationship and foundation with God, and then when we brought Him into our marriage, mountains moved.  And to think, it started with me realizing that no, I couldn’t change him, but God could if He saw fit.  Thank God that He ended up changing us both.

Tl;dr? Marriage is hard.  We are in the middle of one now.  Here is what we are doing:

*Get closer to God.  Get selfish.  Focus on you and start doing what brings you joy.

*Don’t mimic other marriages.

*Pray about how YOU can change and do better

*Do a daily devotional with your husband.  Preferably, one with questions.

*Have your husband pray over you, out loud, each day.

*Get your house in order, and both of you come under submission: Christ -> Husband -> Wife

*Speak life into your husband and pray scripture over them.

*Give praise and honor to God along the way.

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Faith Family Marriage

Year of Healthy: March

I was pretty torn between two topics for March: marriage and my relationship with God.

My wedding anniversary is in March, and to be honest, marriage is still the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I feel like I’m failing at it every day.  But I’ve also been feeling a stronger urge and push to strengthen my relationship with God through an in-depth study of His Word. You can read about my initial pursuit into this in my All 66 Books posts. But now that I’ve finished reading the whole Bible, I want to go deeper. Dive into all of these questions I had and the topics I wanted to put together. So I struggled with what I wanted to focus on. If you’ve read this Rhenáe’s Random, you know that I am slowly making my way through the New Testament again, focusing on Acts and struggling a bit with the gospels. (this struggle has actually been getting better! Praise God!)

I started to read Kingdom Marriage by Tony Evans. His wife, Lois, recently passed away, and his dedication and devotion to the life she led and the way he is still cultivating the legacy they are leaving made me realize that they were someone I admired and wanted to know more about. He is also a powerhouse Bible teacher and pastor. While reading, I realized to strengthen my marriage, it would take me praying and following the order and alignment that God has outlined. I would only know how to do that by digging into God’s Word.

Here is the thing, my marriage is intensely personal, and not only do I not feel comfortable going into detail on the internet, but neither God nor my husband has released me to do that. But what I can do is let you into my studying of God’s Word. I already do bits of that with my All 66 Books series. As I dig deeper, I’ll share with you my Bibles, resources, and anything else God allows me to share.  I know some of that will touch on marriage.  Just don’t expect the full details that I normally give on these Year of Healthy posts. 💖

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Family Finances Home

Our Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Part 2

I hope that you were able to get some valuable information from last week’s post on Part 1 of our Budget Spreadsheet.  I shared our Income, Giving, Saving, and Debt sections.  To read Part 1, head here.

While what I shared so far are some notable heavy hitters, I believe what I am going to share next are things that we most often have forgotten about.  The things that month to month may be a struggle to remember to pay, or they pop up unexpectedly.  Things like our household bills, auto-related expenses, and subscriptions.  These items for me are still sectioned off on the left side of my budget and grouped with their related bills.  On the right side, they are listed under our Bill Tracker, and most items have trackers to keep up with the day to day details.

Insurance

Our home insurance is connected to our mortgage, but we still have Life Insurance, Auto Insurance, and a Home Warranty to pay for.  If we had any supplemental medical insurance, we would include that here as well.  As a reminder, the left side of our budget consists of the following columns: Budgeted, Actual 1-15, Actual 16-31, Diff/Remaining, and Notes.

I am hiding the section of the Bill Tracker that I showed you last week, so you can still see the column headings.  But here is what the insurance section looks like.  Here I can document the exact Due Date, the exact Amount, the Method of payment (mail check, scheduled, autopay), which Paycheck it will come out of,  and if it’s Confirmed Paid/Payment Cleared.  Then I also have a Notes section here.

Utilities

Depending on where you live, if you rent or own, and what is included with your rent, this section could have less or more than what I have listed.  For us, we only have to worry about Electric, Security System, Internet, and our Cell Phone.  But for others, they may also include Cable, Water, and Trash.

Here is what the Utilities section looks like under the Bill Tracker.

Home

This is another section that will depend on your specific living situation.  In this Home section, we include almost everything else dealing with the home that hasn’t already been covered.  For us, that contains Groceries, Home Improvement (a sinking fund which I will discuss later), Yard Maintenance, Alarm Permit Renewal, Pest Control, Septic System Agreement, and Septic Permit.  A lot of these are quarterly or yearly payments and can be a considerable chunk out of a paycheck if it hits all at once.  So having it here in our budget allows us to put money towards it each paycheck.  For example, our Septic System Agreement can cost up to $450 a year.  So instead of paying all of that out of one check, we can set aside $37.50 from our “bill light” paycheck (meaning we don’t have a ton of bills coming out) each month.  Then when it is time to pay the agreement, we pull the $450 we have saved to pay it.

For the Bill Tracker section Home, I only have listed actual bills that need to get paid.  This section is essential, especially for the bills that are due quarterly and yearly.  When I created this sheet and going forward every year with my planning, I will include the estimated due date and amount here until I get the actual invoice/bill.  So, for example, I see last year in November is when we paid for our Septic Agreement.  It is yearly, so I know this year, in November, it will be due again.  My tracker will most likely show an 11/01 due date to help me plan out the monthly amount I need to save.  And then, when I get the invoice in September or October, I will update the exact due date and amount.

This section also includes the first of the specific trackers.  Probably like many of you, if there is one area of our budget that we are likely to overspend, it is on food.  I love eating, and I love cooking.  A couple of years ago, due to some health issues, I had to make a significant change in the type of food I was buying and cooking, which increased our food budget.  Knowing how easy it is to have this category get out of control, I knew I needed to create a Grocery Tracker.  One thing that has changed recently is I am going to the grocery store a couple of times a week (from 5 times in November to 12 times in December).  I am trying to reduce the amount of food we end up wasting because it stays hanging around for too long.  So each trip I document the Date I went, the Amount spent, the Place I went to, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. One difference is the total here gets automatically plugged into the Groceries category in the Home section of our budget. And that cell is merged because it doesn’t exactly matter much for me which paycheck we spend money on groceries. After all, it is something that is needed, no matter what.  Here is a sneak peek: Next month’s topic for Year of Healthy will be me going vegan (just for that one month).  This will be interesting to see how that impacts my budget as I always hear (and have experienced) that it is more expensive to eat healthily.  But cutting out meat and other animal products should help.

Auto

The auto section is where we have our Gas, Car Maintenance, and Car Registration listed.  I can also tell you that Driver’s License Renewal will get added to this section thanks to me thinking I lost mine last month and having to order a new only to find it later. Car Maintenance and Car Registration are both categories that we tend to save up for by putting money aside each paycheck mostly.  But due to the number of miles we drive each month, we have to get an oil change on at least one of the cars each month.  So at a minimum, we have to put that amount aside each month.

For the Bill Tracker, this is where we keep Car Registration #1 and Car Registration #2.  Ours come in the mail what feels like 3-4 months before they are due, and as someone who frequently forgets hers, it needed to be added to the budget.

Based on us having to get an oil change for one of our cars monthly, you may have concluded that one of our vehicles gets a lot of miles put on it, which means a ton of trips to the gas station.  While I can get away with going once a month, my husband sometimes has to go 2-3 times a week.  To keep up with how much gas is costing us each month and if we need to increase our budgeted amount, we track the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Car was filled up, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. This helps us keep an eye on which gas station tends to have the lowest price for gas, and we can plan better.

His/Her

His/Her section covers items that are specific to Chris or I.  This is where we will have our Blow $ allowance, Clothing allowance, and Personal Care (hair/nails/etc.).  You will notice that Chris has an Entertainment section, and I don’t.  At first, I thought that I don’t need one because Chris is more likely to go out to the movies with his friends, whereas if I go, it will be with him and will go in the next section we talk about.  But this would probably be a good spot for any books I buy. I usually put them under blow $.  I’ll try it for a month, and we will see.  Also, this is where I keep the categories for my Website Domain and Website Support.

Out of all of those categories, the only ones that go on our Bill Tracker pertains to my Website Domain and Website Support.

All others get tracked under the His and Her Trackers that we have.  Here we are monitoring the Date, Amount, Place, if the Payment Cleared and Notes.  This is only for transactions that we use our debit card for.  So if Chris and I decide to take out cash for our blow $, we wouldn’t include that info here.  But again, having this track the individual purchases helps with planning our budget for things like clothes or personal care that may not be a monthly thing or may have one month that has more spending than others (like when Chris needs a new uniform for work). Notes usually are where I will document which category the transaction would be apart of.

Sinking Funds

Another section that I picked up from following Dave Ramsey is Sinking Funds.  A sinking fund is a mini savings “account” that I may or may not use each month.  For us, this includes a Pet Fund, Date Nights, Eating Out, Gifts & Misc., Medical Expenses, and Home Goods.  Most of these are also areas that we can quickly cut if we need more wiggle room in our budget (except the Pet Fund and Medical Expenses).

We do have a Sinking Funds Tracker where we can track the specific transactions for all the sections mentioned above.  Here we document the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Sinking Fund it goes to, if the Payment Cleared, and Notes.  We also record our Home Improvement sinking fund transactions here as well from the Home Section.  Putting money aside in that fund monthly, helps me save for a larger project we do during the year like redoing our patio or my office.

Subscriptions

This is a newer section for us because when I was going through our bank transactions, these little suckers always came up unexpectedly because we didn’t plan for them.  While I usually would have generic categories here, I wanted to leave our exact subscriptions to help refresh your memory! This section took three months to build out because each month, I was saying, “Oh yea, we pay for that also.”  Some are monthly. Some are yearly.  Some we canceled for the moment but may use again.  Either way, it is all here, so I know that it comes from our budget.

I consider these bills, so they go under our Bill Tracker as well. Because most of these are on Autopay, it has been a lifesaver knowing when they are going to hit our account.  And seeing the number of subscriptions we had, made us do some cutting down.

Odd Balls/Summary

I keep this Odd Ball section just in case there is a random category that comes up that doesn’t fit any of the other sections or categories that I already have.  I have yet to use it, but just in case.  The final part of our monthly budget is our summary.  They are formulas that show what is left after our Actual Expenses are subtracted from our Actual Income and what is left after our Budgeted Expenses are deducted from our Budgeted Income.  This gives me a high-level view of if our budget is in the red for the month and lets me know I need to make some adjustments.

Here is a full view of what the Bill Tracker looks like.

What’s Next

Since Finances are such a big part of my life and super important to talk about when it comes to marriage and families, I am thinking about adding another month to focus on budgeting.  Maybe talk a bit about our goals, paying down debt, or even what it took to transition to a one-income family.  Let me know what you think about our Budget Spreadsheet and if you have any topics you want me to cover in the second month.

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Family Finances Home

Our Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Part 1

If you have read any of the Year of Healthy posts from January, you learned that I have a love for budgeting.  You also learned that after taking a break from handling our household budget, I decided to break out a spreadsheet that helped us previously and update it a bit.  I wanted to share with you what our monthly budget spreadsheet looks like.  To get some more background information check out the previous posts here and here.

All In One Place

While this post will talk about our monthly budget, I do want to touch on what else is in this excel document.  I am a firm believer in having all you need in one place for almost every area of my life.  That is probably why I have a lint roller in the living room, laundry room, bedroom, bathroom, and the closet.  It just doesn’t make sense to me to have to go hunting for things.  So when it was time to update our budget spreadsheet, I knew I wanted it to include all things financial for us.  I may do a post later showing the specifics of what else is included but for now, here is a quick list:

  • PayDay Calendar
  • Mortgage Tracking (Statement Info, Date Pymts Posted, Escrow Details, Principal Balance, Interest Paid Balance, Estimated Equity)
  • Financial Goals (Monthly, Yearly, Lifetime)
  • Bank Transactions
  • Yearly Budget (until 2021)

Monthly Template

One thing I did while putting together the spreadsheet was to create a new tab for each month.  That way, when things come up that are in the future, I can already have a spot designated for it.  For example, if we decide to take a trip in May, I can increase our blow money for that month during my planning in January.  Each month already has my budget template, and I only need to update it if I make significant changes.

On the left side of the template is the actual budget.  I have our income and expenses sectioned off in groups because it makes it so much easier to see where our money is going.  I have a column labeled Budgeted, and that is where I do my preplanning for what we expect to receive income-wise and spend expense wise. The next column is Actual 1-15. Any money actually received or spent will get documented under this column for the first half of the month.  The second half of the month is recorded under the column Actual 16-31.  The final two columns are Diff/Remaining, which I have set as a formula to let me know where we either overspent or underspent by subtracting our Actual from our Budgeted and lastly, a Notes column.

On the right side, is my trackers.  Each major group has one, so I can keep track of the totals and sometimes compare it to our goals.  Some of our sections, like gas, needs to be tracked in more detail than just saying we will spend $250 this month.  We can see which car is using more gas, etc.  This side also has our Debt Snowball information, our bill tracker with specifics such as due dates, how it was paid, and if it has cleared yet.

Let’s jump into the different sections and trackers.  *By the way, I include blank shots of our template.  I’m just not there yet with showing specific numbers on the intranets.  I hope you feel me!*

Income

This section in our budget is pretty self-explanatory.  Any income that comes into our household gets documented here.  That could be traditional employment, business income, rental/investment income, side hustle income, gifts.  It all goes into our income section.  Since it is just Chris and me, we have it noted as His Salary and Her Salary and then a couple of spots for Extra Income.  For this section and every section, we have a formula for the subtotal and also for the Diff/Remaining column.

On the right side, we do have a Paycheck Tracker.  Although it probably should be titled, Income Tracker.  But this is where I track the details of our income.  Specifically, the date received and what type it was.  If you expect to get rental income every month on the first, under Extra Income #1, you will document 1/1/20 with a Target amount of $1,000.  If that is what you actually get, you record the Actual amount to $1,000.  This is extremely helpful for those who don’t have a consistent income amount.  We expect our paycheck to be a certain amount every month, but different variables could have us receiving more.  I only want to budget off of what I know we will receive.  Anything extra is an added benefit that I can distribute out once that money is in my hands.

Giving

Our next section is giving.  I am a Christian, and I believe in tithing.  For me, tithing is done before paying anything else as I am a firm believer in God being able to make the rest stretch as long as I give Him my first fruits.  I actually already have the formula set up in that field based on our total income.  Right now, it is documented as 10% Tithe, but I believe that one day we will be able to do more.  This section is also where I include our Offerings amount and extra spaces for monetary Donations that we make during the month to charities or those in need.

My YTD Giving Tracker helps me track our giving towards our specific goals.  Under Target, I list out our goal (for example, 10% of our annual income would be our 10% Tithe target), and each month, I would update the Actual amount.  I have a formula set up for Percent Given.  This allows me to make sure we are on track each month.  If I get to, let’s say, July, and for some reason, we are under 50% of our goal, it is time to reevaluate or confirm that the rest of the year has us hitting our goal.

Saving

I also believe in paying yourself first before you pay anybody else.  I’ve seen (and done) too often, people who wait until everything is paid before they put any money in savings and then they are left with nothing.  This doesn’t work for us because we have goals that we are trying to hit.  In the past, we have followed Dave Ramsey, and he says that you should start with saving an Emergency Fund of $1,000 before you start paying off debt.  That is more of a short term goal that we may already have accomplished.  But if we ever have to use the fund, we need to focus on building it again.  And that is why it keeps a permanent spot on our budget.  We then have a place for Retirement.  The older we get, the more critical this section is.  As a No Car Note family, we need to keep that going for as long as possible.  That means we need to save for our next set of cars, which happens in the New Car Fund.  Our next one is a calculation.  Have you ever heard the statistic that, if you pay one additional payment a year to the principal on a 30-year mortgage, it will remove seven years from your mortgage?  That’s seven years of interest I do not have to pay!  So we take that one extra payment and divide it by 12 to know how much extra we have to put aside each month in our House Fund.  We would also use this when it comes time to save for a new house.  For additional money that we want to save for no specific purpose, we have a Savings Goal section.  This is also a formula that can calculate 5%, 10%, or 25% of your total income.  If you are in school and paying for it out of pocket (like I was), there is a Tuition section.  Many financial gurus will tell you about the benefit of having a certain amount of your monthly expenses set aside in case of job loss.  Depending on who you follow, that amount could be anywhere from 3-12 months.  I prefer to save in 3-month increments for our goal.  So we currently have it set as 3-6 Months Expenses.  Finally, we have our Vacation Fund to save for those vacation dreams we have.

I threw in some sample numbers so you could see what the YTD Savings Tracker looks like in action with the goals listed.  Target is where we keep our goal numbers for each section.  Each month, as deposits are made into these funds, the Actual amount gets updated.  Then the formula I have under Percent Saved will calculate and let us know how on track with our goals we are.  Admittedly, some of these goals have to take a back burner depending on whats going on in our life.  Some gurus will tell you only to have an emergency fund while paying debt.  Other’s will show you how to save in all these areas AND pay off debt, albeit slowly.

Debt

Although this tends to be a substantial section, the numbers are pretty straightforward.  The Debt section is where I list our budgeted and actual payments for our Mortgage, Credit Cards, Car Notes, Student Loans, and any Other Debt you have.  (I’ve added Student Loans up here because I know that is a large amount of the debt those in America carry.  We were lucky to pay mine off before we bought our house and cash flow, my classes, when I take them).  The Budgeted section here will show the minimum payment amount only.  Once we make the payment (which hopefully is always more than the minimum), we update the Actual section.

The Debt Snowball Tracker is for me one of my favorite parts on this spreadsheet.  But it can also be the most shocking if you haven’t taken stock of your financial situation before.  This is another section where I have added sample numbers for you to see.  The Debt Snowball is where we track the overall totals of our debt.  I include the Due Date since those are typically fixed.  Then I add in the Original amount for the debt.  Each month, I update the Balance.  And the formula calculates the Percent Paid.  I document the Interest Rate to keep an eye on those.  And I update the Per Statement Date to show where I got the balance from.  Plugging in all of those numbers will then have the formula calculate the Total Current Debt and the Debt Starting Point.  Then I have a section for the Total Debt Paid Off, which gives me the dollar amount that we have already paid off and the percentage.

The Bill Tracker is the biggest section on the right side of the spreadsheet, but I am going to break it up.  This section here is where I track the payment information for the debt that we have.  I document the exact Due Date, the exact Amount, the Method of payment (mail check, scheduled, autopay), which Paycheck it will come out of,  and if it’s Confirmed Paid/Payment Cleared.  Then I also have a Notes section here.  While the Debt Snowball Tracker shows the total amount of debt we have, the Debt section of our Budget shows the minimum payment due, and what we plan to pay, the Debt section of our Bill Tracker focuses on the monthly payments that we actually make.

Next Time

Next week, I will go into details about our other bills, subscriptions, blow money, and savings categories for some of those areas.  Let me know below if you have a budget spreadsheet or what you think of ours!

Categories
Family Finances Home

Year of Healthy: January

This last quarter of 2019 was a doozy for our household. We’ve had two major appliances breakdown (one decided to go out twice) and our septic system is on the outs.  You are probably wondering, “Why is this an issue when things break?”  Well, we built our house four years ago and no way were we expecting things to start to go downhill in a major way. Let alone, all at the same time.  This has had my husband and I sitting down and figuring out what the heck we were going to do.  Because let’s be serious, no matter what others think, we aren’t rolling in dough.  My husband is active duty military and I’m a recent housewife who is trying to figure out this entrepreneural world.  With 2020 and a new decade here, it’s the best time to work on our budgets.

Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch

Who woulda thought it’d turn me to a savage?

Background Info

I’ve always had a love for numbers.  I’m pretty sure it’s a love that was passed down from my grandmother to my father and then to me.  When I was 14, a family member started a business and I took on the role of bookkeeper.  I also started to help manage my family’s household budget.  I was able to get an understanding of what it took to run a home.  I learned about mortgages, credit cards, and groceries.  It may be different now but in the early 2000’s they were not teaching these things in high school.  I did discover accounting while in high school and enjoyed it so much I made it to a leadership conference for the state.  I honestly couldn’t tell you why I didn’t pursue that path.  But I did start working with finances and eventually financial institutions a week after high school.  Most of the time I was pursuing a college degree, it was connected to Finance, Financial Planning, Business or Human Services.  (I may talk about that path one day but I am honestly still trying to figure it out myself).  But when my job shifted to project management, I put finance on the backburner when it came to my dreams.

I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it

Personally, when we got married, we made the decision that I would handle the finances.  Combining our money was easy enough and paying the bills was the same.  We didn’t have any major issues.  When we planned on building our house, we knew we wanted to pay off all of our debt.  It would make it easier to get a loan and a good interest rate.  So that was our goal.  We paid off all my student loans, two car notes, and a couple of credit cards we had.  All in all, the total was over $50,000.  We then saved a bit to have a down payment (even though one wasn’t needed) and pay points (and I still don’t know if this was the best idea).  Then when we decided that I would quit my job and start a business three years later, we did the same thing.  We paid off all credit card debt we had. And while I know that debt (especially credit card debt) isn’t that great, it didn’t stop us from accumulating it each time.  We were impatient with things we wanted and used credit cards as a cushion.  Over and over again.

I don’t mean to brag, but I be like, “Put it in the bag,” yeah

When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah

Fast forward to my Sabbatical in 2019, I was burnt out on all things including managing our household.  When I left to travel, I turned over everything to my husband.  I was being emotionally irresponsible but I was at a breaking point.  But the lesson I learned through that time was how not to spend money on things I didn’t need.  And even my idea of what I needed, changed.  It took months but I feel like I no longer cared about material things.  When I came back home, I didn’t take over the finances.  I was still very overwhelmed with life and trying to figure out my next steps.  I needed to know what my new normal would look like after being gone for five months.  That brings me to the present.  We decided instead of one of us having a hands-off approach to our finances we really need to do it together.  And this is where our goals and new routines come in.

Whoever said money can’t solve your problems

Must not have had enough money to solve ’em

They say, “Which one?” I say, “Nah, I want all of ’em”

Creating a Budget

I have a spreadsheet that I created from a Facebook post that inspired me back in 2016.  I decided to bring that back and update it.  I added new categories based on our current bills and expenses.  And thanks to a YouTube channel (review coming soon), I also added a yearly budget in addition to the monthly budget I normally do.  Having this spreadsheet alleviates me having to remember things from month to month.  Most of the due dates and amounts of our bills don’t change.  The hardest part each month for us was remembering all of those details including bills that didn’t happen monthly but we still needed to plan for.  Not to mention some type of savings to handle incidentals, goals, and wants.  Having a budget allows us to plan for our future and then follow that plan.

Buy myself all of my favorite things 

Initial Conversation About Goals

While I created our spreadsheet, I needed to make sure Chris was apart of creating it.  Which was helpful because I forgot things, he remembered.  I remembered things, that he forgot.  We also talked about what our goals were and realized they were just a tad bit different (after almost ten years together, that happens).  He wanted to immediately pay off debt and I wanted to build a savings cushion first.  I wanted to start planning out ways to generate income without us having to go to a job every day.  He didn’t want to have to wait to buy the things he wanted.  We need to get on the same page and create our short and long term goals.  We need to break them down into monthly, yearly and lifetime goals. Then decide what actions we need to take to make those happen.

Yeah, my receipts, be lookin’ like phone numbers

Regular Conversations About the Budget

I’ve always heard that finances are one of the biggest problems when it comes to marriage.  We didn’t have that problem because we didn’t talk about it.  When we both were working this was easy because we didn’t really have to say no to anything.  If we didn’t have the cash, we put it on a card and worried about paying it off later.  When we moved to one income and had to hear no more often, it really didn’t bother us too much.  But when things started to happen with appliances in the house, we didn’t have a way to say no without it really impacting our lives.  I like washing clothes daily.  I cooked way too much not to have a working refrigerator and I liked flushing the toilet after use.  All first world problems that I have become used to.  With broken appliances, comes repair or possible replacement cost.  And with costs moving into the thousands, we need to figure out how to come up with this money and quick. Which means we need to start talking about money.  What expenses did we have that we can get rid of?  What ways can we make more money without compromising our time and other goals we set for ourselves?

You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it

I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it 

Turning Plans Into Actions

After we create our budget and then talk about it on the regular, we need to actually make sure we are hitting our goals.  There are two ways to eliminate debt and save money.  One way is to decrease spending and the other is to increase income.  There are many financial gurus out there who advocate for one way or the other.  I plan on doing a bunch of research to find what are some of the best ways for us to do one or the other or both.  We also will start to include our finances in our prayers.  I know for me, I sometimes don’t want to bother God with those types of things.  Outside of praying to hit the lottery, I don’t talk to God about helping me come up with the money for an unexpected expense.  And that has to change.  I’ve seen God do some amazing things and my faith in Him needs to extend into all areas of my life including our finances.

I’d rather spoil all my friends with my riches

Think retail therapy my new addiction

Let’s Do This

Like previous months, keep an eye out on my stories on Instagram and Facebook to see how we plan on doing all of this.  I’ll share books, podcasts, and YouTube channels that I am diving into.  I’ll even share my spreadsheet.  Two major holidays just passed in December for us.  My birthday and Christmas.  Christmas is a major spending holiday and for the past two years, we have been able to avoid making purchases the focus.  Truthfully, my greatest gift would be for us to find financial freedom.  So I can do without all of the crazy spending that we normally do.  It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.  Plus, we can always plan for next year.

Enjoyed the quotes throughout this post?  Check out 7 Rings by Ariana Grande. Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!

Music video by Ariana Grande performing 7 rings. © 2019 Republic Records, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.

Categories
Down The TBR Hole

Down the TBR Hole #141-160

Welcome to Down the TBR Hole #141-160!  What is Down the TBR Hole?  It is where I grab 20 books from my insanely long TBR list on Goodreads and decide if I am keeping or removing the books.  Need to catch up?  Click here to go to the previous post.  As a reminder, here are the rules:

I am starting with 4,668 books this week on my To Read shelf on Goodreads.  I literally just added two new books, thanks to the YouTube video I am watching in the background while typing this up.  (Edit: before I finished this post, I added another book thanks to my reading last night.  Do you see why I have to do this post every week?  My list is ridiculous!) Let’s get started.

1. The Runaway Bride: Are you living for Jesus or are you running away from Him? by Heather Lindsey

The cover of this book makes it seems like it is going to be a fiction book, but it’s not.  This is entirely the wrong thought, but man, I feel like so many people should read a book about being a Sunday only Christian.  I’ve been there, and although things are far from perfect and let’s be honest, sometimes I feel like I struggle more now, I can’t imagine how people get through Monday through Saturday without the help of Jesus.  Now, with all of that said, I no longer feel like I need a book like this.  So I am going to be removing it.

 

2. The Pressure Trap: Breaking Free from the Pressures of Society to Become Who God Called You To Be by Heather Lindsey

I may need to actually buy this book and read it now because I feel like this has been my issue for the past few months.  With that said, I am keeping it.

 

3. Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist

I actually own this book and feel like it has been recommended to me a bunch of times.   This is probably a book that I should have read when I was experiencing burnout.  Both when I was traditionally working and when I had my own business.  I do believe this is something that I could still struggle with, so I am keeping it.

4. One Minute Business Woman’s Devotional by Mike Murdock

Obviously, the cover shows how dated this book is, but it was recommended on one of my business lists.  It would be interesting if someone were able to update this based on today’s business world.  Because I feel like it may be dated and this isn’t my current season, I am removing it.

 

5. The Perfect Find by Tia Williams

This seems like a quick, quirky little romance that I wouldn’t mind reading in between my self-improvement books.  Those books can sometimes be a bit heavy, so reading about a woman who is working on a second chance in her career with a side of romance sounds like it would be the break I need.  I am keeping it.

 

6. You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis Chan & Lisa Chan

I will say this with every marriage book on my list. Marriage is hard, and therefore I am keeping this book.  I absolutely love Francis Chan (check out my resource page on him) and have already read a few of his books.  So a book on biblical marriage is a no brainer for me to keep.  I also had this downloaded on Hoopla, but I had read quite a few Francis Chan books by this point and wanted to switch it up.

7. Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus by Ellie Claire

So here is some honesty.  I love buying these journals.  Yet I have not finished one at all.  I barely do them.  One of the goals I want to set for this year to help improve the health of my spiritual life is to add these types of devotionals for me to do each day.  But I do have a ton and don’t need to buy anymore until they are done.  So I will be removing this one.

8. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy J. Keller

Like I mentioned with the marriage book above, marriage is hard, so I will be keeping this one.  I need to read a book on marriage each month.  I’ll probably add this to my list of goals soon.

 

9. Gods at War: Defeating the Idols that Battle for Your Heart by Kyle Idleman

I added this book because I was going through a season where I was allowing some pretty good and Christian things to become idols in my life.  Like going to church each week, serving at church, people, etc. I struggled with seeing these things as idols until I realized that anything that is taking God’s place in my life is an idol.  So I am keeping this one.

 

10. Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock

There are certain topics that to understand them truly, we need to read the most up to date information.  So while this is still a significant issue in today’s workforce, I would want to read a book a little more recent.  So I am going to remove this one.

 

11. The Career Code: Must-Know Rules for a Strategic, Stylish, and Self-Made Career by Hillary Kerr & Katherine Power

I love a good women’s empowerment and success story.  And I am so thankful that these women are willing to share what worked and didn’t work for them.  This book is apart of a series, and I would like to read them all.  So I am keeping this one.

 

12. Wild and Free: A Hope-Filled Anthem for the Woman Who Feels She is Both Too Much and Never Enough by Jess Connolly

I bounce between feeling like I am doing too much and that I’m not enough to do the things I want to do.  It’s a struggle, and I’ve realized that the more I don’t take care of my mental health, the more I struggle.  I own a copy of this book, and I look forward to reading it.  So I am keeping it.

13. How to Be Here: A Guide to Creating a Life Worth Living by Rob Bell

One verse that has made me realize that I deserve so much more in life is John 10:10b (CSB) “I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.” This tells me that Jesus gives me an abundant life.  I should be living my life that way.  So because of that, I am keeping this book.

 

 

14. May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein

This is probably one of those books I need to read during my Year of Healthy while I am working on building better habits.  Anything that helps with unlimited happiness is something I need to look into.  I am keeping this one.

15. Adventures for Your Soul: 21 Ways to Transform Your Habits and Reach Your Full Potential by Shannon Kaiser

Another book I should look into reading this year.  I think I tried to listen to the audiobook version, and I prefer to have my self-improvement books in ebook or physical book form because I love taking notes and highlighting.  But I am keeping this one.

16. The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

I’m a little torn about this book.  A life planning tool sounds like something right up my ally.  But it seems like this book may be borderline mystic, and those types of books can some times conflict with my faith, and I prefer not to read them.  So I will keep this one and give it a try.  I can always mark it as DNF (did not finish).

 

17. Healthy Happy Sexy: Ayurveda Wisdom for Modern Women by Katie Silcox

The first thing I needed to do was google Ayurveda.  I needed to make sure this wasn’t anything that was going to go against my faith.  I was stumped at first because the first articles that pop up are WebMD, National Institutes of Health, and Johns Hopkins. But when I dig deeper, I see that it has its origins with Hindu gods and is based on holistic healing. I can get down with Holistic healing, but I’m not about to open the door for any other “gods” to have any access to my mind, body, and spirit.  So I will be removing this one.

18. Miracles Now: 108 Life-Changing Tools for Less Stress, More Flow, and Finding Your True Purpose by Gabrielle Bernstein

I stress and worry way too much to be as blessed as I am.  It’s definitely something I want to work on this year. I also like the fact that these are small tidbits of info and practices for someone with only a minute or two.  I am keeping this one.

 

19. 100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love by Lisa Jacobson

Again…marriage=hard.   Any book that I can read that can help me be a better wife, help me understand my husband more, help me love him more, I am all for reading.  I am keeping this one.

 

20. The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay

I read the plot of this book, and my first thought was awww in such a sad way.  Have I ever shared how randomly emotional I am?  I cry very frequently when things get sad in a book, tv show, movie, or with a random thought.  And it’s usually boohoo crying.  It’s terrible but I chalk it up to feeling deeply.  I feel like this book will make me do just that.  So I am keeping it.

 

Final Count: Removing 5; Keeping 15

TBR Down to 4,663

Have you read any of these books?  Think I made a mistake removing one?  Leave me a comment below and let’s chat.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

Categories
Down The TBR Hole

Down The TBR Hole # 41-60

I had so much fun doubling up last week that I decided to make it a thing. So welcome to Down The TBR Hole #41-60.  What is Down The TBR Hole, you ask?  It is where I grab 20 books from my ridiculously long TBR list on GoodReads and decide if I am keeping or removing the books.  Want to catch up? Click here to go to the last post.  As a reminder, here are the rules:

I am starting with 4,676 books this week, and honestly, I have a ton on my kindle app just waiting for me to add to my TBR list.  But maybe I should wait until I remove some more first.  Or I could read them and then they won’t ever have to make it to this list.  I’ll try that one.  Let’s get started.

 

1. Everyday Peace: Standing Firm in His Provision by Katie Orr

You saw another one of Katie Orr’s studies last week.  I have had the pleasure of doing the Philippians study with Katie and love the FOCUSed15 method.  I can always use some peace in my life, so I am keeping this one.

 

 

2. Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado

I believe I got this book one month in my Sparkle Hustle Grow box.  I don’t subscribe to it anymore, but it was great getting a new book each month.  Most of the time, they were geared towards business owners.  I have heard good things about Max Lucado, so I look forward to reading this book.  I am keeping it.

 

 

3. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher

Apparently, I own this book.  But I am not interested in reading it.  I am removing it and maybe one day since I own the physical copy, I will get to it.

 

 

 

4. Critical Chain by Eliyahu M. Goldratt

This book was going to be a book club read, but we never made it to this one.  I honestly don’t think it will be something I want to read, so I am going to be removing it.

 

 

 

5. God at Work: Live Each Day with Purpose by Ken Costa

I think I heard about Ken Costa from a podcast; I’m not sure which one.  I always see his books on my shelf and say I need to read them, and it just hasn’t happened yet.  I am keeping this one even though I am not in a traditional work environment at the moment; it may still come in hand.

 

 

6. Know Your Why: Finding and Fulfilling Your Calling in Life by Ken Costa

I am okay on calling books for a while, so I am removing this one.

 

 

 

7. Rick Warren’s Bible Study Methods: 40 Days in the Word by Rick Warren

I always love a good book that can help me dig deeper into the Word, and I am a fan of Rick Warren.  He is a great Bible teacher, so I am keeping this one.

 

 

 

8. Marriage and the Family: Biblical Essentials by Andreas Kostenberger

Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done so I will take all the knowledge and wisdom anyone has on marriage.  I am keeping this one.

 

 

 

9. Becoming a Woman of Influence: Making a Lasting Impact on Others by Carol Kent

I am not sure where this book came from or how it ended up on my list.  I’m removing this one.

 

 

 

10. The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor

This book has been recommended quite a bit in some groups I am in on Facebook.  Unfortunately, when I downloaded it on Hoopla and started to read it, I couldn’t get into it.  Maybe it just wasn’t the right season.  I’m removing it.

 

 

11. Insights on Romans by Charles R. Swindoll

This commentary was added when I took a free Romans from Dallas Theological Seminary.  I didn’t end up needing the book, so I’m removing it.

 

 

 

12. Capital Gaines: Smart Things I Learned Doing Stupid Stuff by Chip Gaines

I absolutely loved The Magnolia Story by the Gaines, so it was a must that I added Chip’s book to my list.  He is so funny on the show and in the book, but it’s also clear how smart he is. I am keeping this one.

 

 

13. Living Life on Purpose: Discovering God’s Best for Your Life by Lysa TerKeurst

This starts my long list of Lysa TerKeurst books.  I love her.  I’ve had the pleasure of hearing her teach.  I’ve enjoyed I believe 1 or 2 of her books.  But the last book I read from her, I did not enjoy as much as I expected.  Which makes me wary of the others.  With that said, I am removing this one.

 

 

14. Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst

Although I do love food, its not that big of an issue for me to read a book about overcoming it.  I do have a physical copy of this book though, so maybe one day I will read it, but for now, I am removing it.

 

 

 

15. Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst

I am the first to admit that I sometimes let my emotions get the best of me.  Even though I know I am not to be led by them.  So I am keeping this one to learn more about how to control them.

 

 

 

16. It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst

This is her newest book, and I already resonate with the title so much I know I will be reading this one hopefully soon.  I am keeping it on the list.

 

 

 

17. What Happens When Women Say Yes to God: Experiencing Life in Extraordinary Ways by Lysa TerKeurst

I am removing this one.

 

 

 

18. What Happens When Women Walk in Faith: Trusting God Takes You to Amazing Places by Lysa TerKeurst

I am removing this one.

 

 

 

19. So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love by Cal Newport

I have always been such a big believe in hard work and that getting you where you need to go.  Which is probably how this book ended up on my list.  Now I believe you can do what you are passionate about AND work hard.  So even though this is on almost all recommended list, I am removing it.

 

 

20. The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

This book has me on the fence.  The reviews are some good and some bad.  But the synopsis is just mysterious enough that it makes me want to read more.  It seems like it will be more of a philosophy book, and I haven’t had much luck with those lately.  But I’m keeping it, and we will see.

 

Final Count: Removing 11; Keeping 9

TBR down to 4,665

Have you read any of these books?  Think I made a mistake removing one?  Leave me a comment below and let’s chat.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

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Down The TBR Hole

Down The TBR Hole #11-20

Welcome to Down the TBR Hole #11-20.  Head here to get more information on this meme that I am doing.  As a reminder, here are the rules:

I am starting this week with 4,676 books on my To Be Read list.

1. Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen

This book is on every productivity recommendation list I have ever come across.  I have the physical copy of this book and had started to read it but ended up putting it down.  This was during the season where I couldn’t find joy in reading because of other things happening.  I will eventually read it, so I’m keeping it.

 

2. Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman

Another book that I have a physical copy of.  As someone who is recovering from being all about doing things and doing them right to please others, I bought this one when I was in Altar’d State out of town.  I started another book by Emily P. Freeman recently, and it’s pretty good, so I think I will be keeping this one for now.

 

3. Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands by Gary L. Thomas

I will take all the books on marriage I can take.  It is literally the hardest thing I have done.  I am keeping this one.

4. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

A friend let me borrow this book, and I fell in love with it.  I took my time reading it, took a ton of notes, started to implement some of the recommendations, and then decided to order my own along with the workbook.  Then I stopped reading it.  I started again on my sabbatical but couldn’t get back into the flow I was in before.  But this book is beyond amazing, and I will read it and soon.  I’m keeping it.

5. Sink Reflections: Overwhelmed? Disorganized? Living In Chaos? The FlyLady’s Simple FLYing Lessons Will Show You How to Get Your Home and Your Life in Order–and It All Starts with Shining Your Sink! by Marla Cilley

I use to follow the FlyLady, and it did wonders for keeping and maintaining my house clean and organized.  I still follow the essence of her advice as it has become routine for me, but I’m not strict with what she recommends.  I also believe I can find everything in this book on her website.  So although I own a kindle edition of this book, I am removing this one.

6. Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud

I’ve had Dr. Cloud’s books recommended to me a million times.  I felt like he was a legend at my previous home church, and everyone swore by his books like they were the Bible (which should have been my first clue).  A friend let me borrow the audiobook.  I bought the workbook. I think I downloaded the eBook.  I could not get into this book.  Or the regular Boundaries book. And you know what I am done trying.  I’m removing it.

 

7. Lucky Suit by Lauren Blakely

This book was one of the books I picked from the free Audible Originals one month.  It looks like it will be a quick romance to listen to so I am keeping it.

 

8. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington

I love Arianna Huffington.  She’s done and launched amazing things.  Her story of burnout resonated with me from when I worked in Corporate America.  I have already read one of her books and loved it.  I own this one on Audible, so I am keeping it.

 

9. Win From Within: Finding Yourself by Facing Yourself by John Gray

I have been a fan of John Gray for a while and until recently would watch most of his sermons.  He went through some criticism lately, and his response to that was to become an angry preacher, so I stopped watching him.  But I do plan on reading his books, and maybe one day I’ll check back in on his messages.  I own this one on Audible, so I’m keeping it.

10. Feeding the Dragon by Sharon Washington

Another book I received for free from Audible Originals.  I love reading autobiographies from women of color, and her living on the top floor of a library made me want to add this to my collection.  Plus her father being a custodian and her love for literature was something that made me relate to her as my father had a job as a building custodian at one of the apartments we lived in, in New Jersey.  And I shouldn’t need to say how I relate to her love of literature…since you are on my book blog :).  Needless to say, I am keeping it.

Final count: Removing 2; Keeping 8; TBR down to 4,674

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.