Tag: Habits

Categories
Bible Study the Word of God

Bible Study Update

Behind the scenes, I started my Bible study of the book of Judges last month.  And while I began to share the Bible study tools I am using on IG, I have yet to share anything from my actual study time.  I wanted to share why.

I mentioned here that I didn’t really know what my studying would look like because I was going to let the text lead me.  I could be doing 1 verse a day or 1 chapter a day.  I wanted to dive into cross-references, really sit with my questions, use commentary, and other trusted resources like Kay Arthur and BibleTalk.TV.

But can I share that I was struggling a bit because I was a bit unorganized?  Going from knowing precisely what I am going to read every day, what I am going to highlight, and then spending some time reflecting and talking to God about what I read and how I should apply it seemed so easy.

I know my current process will be/is a lot for many people.  Not everyone is meant to do a study like this.  I mean, I am using six physical translations of the Bible and a commentary.  But God has been calling me to go deeper into His word since 2017, I think.  And real talk, I’ve ignored it mostly until now.  Because who am I to do this?  Like I have zero plans to be a pastor and am 99.9% sure that isn’t my calling or gifting.  As of right now, I have actually no idea what will come from this in-depth study.  But I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  I repent for this disobedience, by the way.

I really think my habit has just been shaken a bit, and that is why I feel discombobulated.  As of now, my studying has been broken up based on the subheadings provided in the primary Bible I am using.  The headings are not God’s Word, but they do help set up what is about to happen in a passage.  (My last chronological Bible didn’t have these.)  Starting off, this gave me 18 verses one day and 17 verses the next day, which was a lot with how I am doing my studying.  Which would then have me dragging my studying of one passage over a day or two.  But I would want to start a new passage each day (I have no clue why I set this for myself), so even if I weren’t finished, I would move on.

Then after four days and getting into the second chapter of Judges, I took some time off to “try and catch up.”  But I was all over the place so I would keep saying I would come back later.  Even though I would have the urge to study the Bible, I would push it off because I wasn’t comfortable with my process.  So here is the thing about Bible study.  It’s going to look different to everyone, but what is essential is that you are doing it in a way that works for you.  So when something doesn’t work, you have to figure out what the issue is.  Because if I keep going down this path, I am going to do more than take some time off.  I’m going to quit altogether.  That’s the enemy’s goal.

I looked at what didn’t feel comfortable to me.  What was making me feel unorganized and confused?  Here is what I recognized:

  1. I didn’t have a plan.
  2. I didn’t have a process.
  3. I didn’t have a place

I didn’t have a plan

Although I was using the passages as guides on what to read each day, it honestly required too much thought to figure out where I left off (hello brain fog). So I realized I needed a loose plan that tells me what I should cover over the next 30 days.  So for whatever reason, I have this idea that I would do a passage a day.  Well, I think if I saw what verses I was covering, I would feel better.  But I could also easily see where I may need to add a day or two extra to spend more time on (hello 18 verse passages).  I took a moment to do this while watching a YouTube video one day.  It took me less than 10 minutes to plan out Judges and planned out a minimum of 40 days worth of studying.

I didn’t have a process.

What I knew was I wanted to use all six bibles and the commentary that I had.  I knew that I wanted to use my highlighting method in at least one of those Bibles.  I wanted to check cross-references, etc.  But when it came down to actually being in my study time, I was lost.  And when it moved to a second day, I couldn’t remember what I had already reviewed. So while I don’t want my time with God to be regimented and become legalistic, I know my learning style.  I need checklists and “procedures” until I build the habit even if I am the one creating them.  Again, hello, brain fog.  I don’t want to waste time trying to figure out what I need to do or where I left off.  I want to be able to immediately jump into the text and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me.  Just a reminder, my personality is very much Type-A.  So for me, doing all of this doesn’t take me off my purpose.  It actually helps me accomplish my purpose.  Because as you can see, when I get overwhelmed, I’m ready to quit.  My time with God is too valuable to abandon.  As I did above, I put on a YouTube video and started typing up my process.  It took me about 5 minutes because, honestly, after I wrote it out for one Bible, it was a copy and paste situation for the other Bibles.  And just a small tweak for the commentary.

I didn’t have a place.

I’ve mentioned in some other posts that I am currently deep cleaning our home room by room (or at least I was).  I didn’t want to do my studying in my office because I knew I would eventually get to cleaning it, and one of the projects was redoing the tops of my desk.  So I was most comfortable doing my study time on my bed.  But I couldn’t leave everything on my bed, so it was starting to become a bit of work to pull everything out.  Now that I have finished my desk (see the pics here), I have the space to spread out, and I feel physically comfortable again.

Another struggle I had was I started second-guessing myself with beginning with the book of Judges.  I was feeling a bit guilty about missing Genesis through Joshua.  And I have been really wanting to get into some Psalms lately. (I’ve been reading them randomly to satisfy this.)  Well, this is the benefit of me doing a chronological study and using cross-references.  The cross-references are sending me back into the Pentateuch and Joshua to get background information.  And while I won’t come across any Psalms in the book of Judges, once David comes on the scene in 1st Samuel, my craving to go deeper into the Psalms will be fulfilled.  Plus the fact that I love reading the Psalms in a chronological Bible because I better understand why the Psalm was written.

Getting Started Again

After taking a bit of time off, going through all the emotions and feelings with the current atmosphere in our country, and just plain old missing my time with God, I decided to start over.  I now have my plan, process, and place altogether.  I made some adjustments, and I now feel comfortable again.  I won’t say that in the future, I may not need to make changes, but right now, this is working.  Which means I have a starting point if I do need to make changes.

Another thing I finally settled on, with the help of a friend, is I also now know how I am going to share my studying with you all.  While I knew I wanted to share on social media like I usually do, I felt this type of studying required more dialogue then social media allows.  So I will be doing a blog post to accompany each passage.  This will enable me to go into depth about the questions I am asking, what I am finding, etc.  I hope you join me.  Keep an eye out for the first blog post on my Chronological study starting in Judges.

Categories
Faith Family Planning Productivity

Getting My Life Together

There was a meme recently that said, do you ever feel like you want to get your whole life together at 2 am? That’s me.  I consistently think of all the things I forgot to do and all the things I need to do in the middle of the night.  I can’t do this for another month.  I have got to get my life together!

Back in the day, I had it all together.  Or at least I thought I did when I was a planner.  I loved all things planning.  I liked knowing what to expect.  It became like a brain dump for me and allowed me to take stuff out of my mind and put them somewhere before I forgot them.

I remember using the agenda’s they gave you in school from a very early age and usually had a cheap one anytime I was taking college classes.

I graduated to the big leagues of planners when I got my first Erin Condren back in 2013/2014, and I haven’t looked back since when it comes to paper planners.

I also, over the last year or two, have found a love and appreciation for using technology to plan.  My google calendar tends to keep me on schedule with its alerts and reminders.

But as a housewife and a budding entrepreneur, I don’t have a strict schedule that I am forced to adhere to anymore.  That has shaken up my planning routine a bit.  I’m mostly relying on to-do lists (or completed lists) and just don’t feel as productive as I could be.  With me wanting to be intentional with keeping my home and faith a priority while working on my entrepreneurship adventures, I know planning for me is what will help me find the harmony in doing all of those things.

I decided to sit down and plan the month of May.  But I wanted to go a little beyond what I have been doing as of late, which is just writing down appointments, meetings, and webinars.  I looked at what I wanted to accomplish this month:

  • I want to keep home a priority
  • I want to keep my relationship with God a priority
  • I want to make sure our finances are stable
  • I want to cook from what I have in the house already before my next grocery order
  • I want to be more consistent on the blog and social media

 

I knew these would be things that I need to “schedule” in if I wanted to accomplish them.  So I grabbed May’s calendar from my Erin Condren binder system and stared at it.

How do I get this blank calendar to bring me comfort with the five things that I had listed?  Let me break down my thought process for each one and show you what I did.

Keeping Home a Priority

How do I do this? For me, it is making sure our house is clean, and our home has a calming atmosphere and is a sanctuary for us to relax in.

I’ve decided to follow the FlyLady program again when it comes to cleaning and decluttering our home.  So I will use her routines and calendar to help me focus on what needs to be done cleaning wise.

Keeping God #1

The way that I build my relationship with God is by spending time in His Word, praying, and worshiping.  I also attend church each week.

Bible reading and studying is a passion of mine.  I love learning more about God and what His plan is for His children.  For me, this is a daily practice.  At the end of April, I finished my Day by Day Chronological Bible, which is what I was using for my daily reading.  But now that I have read the full Bible (and the NT twice), in less than 12 months, I decided it’s time to really add studying to my routine.

In May, I want to focus on one to two chapters a day for my studying.  I want to allow room for God to truly teach me His Word and see what fruit comes from that knowledge.  I will most likely be using the Dayspring Illustrating Bible.  And because I know I prefer to also get in additional reading, I am following along with Annie F. Downs and reading the four gospels each month, in a different translation.  In May, I am starting with the NASB translation and am just using the YouVersion Bible app.

I want to do better with praying for groups of people.  I currently have a list in my reminders app and want to be more consistent with praying over it.  My list includes The Church (body of Christ, church leaders, and missionaries), Chris and our future children/legacy, family, friends, unbelievers, our nation, and the world.

I also want to go back to the practice of reviewing the sermon and my notes from Sunday.  I use to try and rewatch the message during the week, make sure I didn’t overlook any relevant notes, and then transfer what I learned to my ESV Journaling Bible.  I haven’t done that in a while, and I miss the reinforcement of the message from my pastors.

Keeping Our Money Healthy

If you have seen our budgeting spreadsheet, you probably think it is a beast to maintain.  And while that can be the case, thanks to me doing budget reviews every week, it isn’t that difficult.  In less than 30 minutes, I update it with the previous week’s transactions, have a conversation with Chris, and set our goals and intentions for the next week.

 

We Have Food At Home

I hate meal planning mostly because I cook based on our cravings.  I try to keep a variety of items stocked at the house to make that possible.  But I haven’t been doing a great job lately of making us balanced meals.  And I’ve been stuck on more than one occasion on what I should cook.  So I decided to venture back into meal planning.

Consistency is Key

I have no idea why I struggle so much with this.  Well, I kind of do.

Honestly, I am 75% over social media.  I have worked hard to curate what I have coming into my feeds, but there can still be a lot of junk.  And because I don’t want to see that, I stay away from the apps.  Which is a problem when I love sharing and connecting with others.

And as for my blog?  Perfectionism, my friend.  This is draft post number 46.  Now to be fair, some of those are future projects.  But a lot of them are ideas that I have for a blog post, and during the process of fleshing them out, perfectionism has paralyzed me.

So I need to overcome this by planning out my content for the month and sticking to it.

See What I Did There?

My blog and social media are how I share and connect with people.  I share what I am currently going through and what I am currently working on.  So when it comes to planning out the content for May, I kind of just did that with this post.  My blog and social media posts, in a way, help keep me accountable.  If I know that I want to post what I learned from the sermon on Sunday, I have to be sure I did the review of my notes.  Now, to be clear, I am not doing these things for the blog or social media.  I am doing these things for me and am choosing to share them after the fact in hopes that they help others that may be struggling with finding harmony with all the things they are trying to manage in life.

Finally, since I used my Erin Condren monthly pages as my draft, I went ahead and added these to my Tanisha Rhenáe google calendar.  Now I know what my end goal is and can set up alerts to help me remember.  If you read this post here, you know that I am using time blocking to help make my day more productive.  That means instead of just randomly jumping from task to task, I put like items together and focus on only those items until the next block.  So while the doing of my five goals will be done in either my Homemaking or Admin block, I will use my Content Creation block to build these out for my blog and social media.

Let me know in the comments below what your biggest struggle is with planning?

*I included my Erin Condren referral link in this post.  In addition to you getting $10 off your first purchase, I earn rewards as well!

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

Categories
Home

Finally Loving Your Home: Cleaning With FlyLady

I talked a bit about creating a homemaking block in my most recent post here on the blog.  While I enjoy cleaning and, even more, a clean home, I can sometimes get in a rut where I’m just tired of cleaning.  But as I mentioned here, I need to get out of it if I want to have my home being a sanctuary for my husband and me.  So I thought back to when I truly enjoyed cleaning last.  And it was a year or two ago when I was following the Fly Lady routine. There are still pieces that I follow to this day, but because I am not doing the whole process, it doesn’t feel the same.

But my problem with the system itself was, it is tough to follow because the details are not in one place.  I mean, her website reminds me of the late 90’s/the early 2000s and is full of items to buy from her. Her technique is to get you to sign up for her email, and she sends you what needs to be done throughout the day. For example, I signed up again for her emails to get started and have already received at least eight emails a day.  And her site says that she averages ten emails a day.  It’s a bit overwhelming.  Especially for a planner like me, that would like to plan in advance.  I’ve scanned her site, and it’s a bit all over the place to find what you need.  So let me try and break down how it works.

Update: This post got long! I was thinking about breaking it up until multiple posts and decided that defeats the purpose of having everything in one place.  So while this lengthy post will be published as one, let’s focus on one topic at a time.  Join me on my Instagram, where I will post our focus for the day, and let’s talk about it!

FLYing Lessons

The site tells you to start here. FLYing is all about “Finally Loving Yourself,” which she describes as having “peace of mind, pride in your home, and a passion for living.”  In the emails I mentioned above, you get what is called Missions for your daily Zone.  But wait, before you do that, you focus on what she calls Baby Steps.  And the first one is this: Shine Your Sink.  Now, this is a practice that I have followed forever.  Before I go to bed, I do what I call “Shutting Down the Kitchen,” and that includes making sure the kitchen sink is not only empty, but I scrub it out with a powdered cleaner and dish liquid. This is the same process that Fly Lady calls Shine Your Sink, and she outlines a 12 step process to do it.

Next, she tells you to Get Dressed to Shoes.  That means to get dressed for the day, including wearing shoes.  And laced up shoes at that.  She insists that doing this prevents you from slipping them off and lounging around.  I disagree with this.  I mean, I understand it’s much harder to take a nap with the sneakers on, but if I am tired, those shoes won’t stop me.  I’ll take them off or leave my feet dangling off the couch or bed.  And I hate wearing shoes in my house.  I have thought about buying a pair just for inside (slippers or slides).  I do believe that getting up and getting dressed helps motivate you, though.  When I transitioned from working in Corporate to working from home, I went from wearing skirts that I loved most days to wearing 50’s style dresses.  I won’t call them house dresses because that reminds me of nightgowns.  But something about wearing the dresses gave me pride in what I was doing from home, and that included my cleaning.  Now thanks to one too many Krispy Kreme donuts, I can’t fit most of my dresses anymore, but with the seasons changing, I plan on getting back to wearing dresses again.  Maybe just a little bit more flowing.  But I will miss my basketball shorts and leggings.

Baby Steps

Now we are finally getting to the rest of those Baby Steps she talked about.  Fair warning, clicking on that link doesn’t get you to the baby steps without having to click on another link.  Which appears to contain the same info from the first link AND the info about Baby Step #1, which was Shining Your Sink all to just, redirect you back to the link I provided you up there.  See what I mean about the struggle with finding out the information? And we haven’t even started cleaning anything but the sink.  Oh, and you have to click a new link to get to each new Baby Step, but you then have to go back to the first page to get to the next link.  But I’m going to help you out by listing the rest below.  Now each Baby Step corresponds with a day.  So it will take you 31 days to get through all of them.  She says this is to help you establish small routines, build consistency, and to take your time enjoying the process.

  1. Shine Your Sink
  2. Get Dressed to Lace-Up Shoes
  3. Put Out A New Dish Towel Each Night – This is something I try to do each night using these towels.  I think the actual step for this day is to review the website, but I’m saving you 10 hours.
  4. Post Sticky Notes on Bathroom Mirror and Kitchen Sink – This is to remind you to do #1 and #2.  And is the beginning of what she calls your control journal.  More on that later.
  5. Turn Negative Thoughts into Positive Phrases – If you find yourself saying you don’t deserve a clean home, seeing this list should help.
  6. Take 2 Minutes to Clear a Hot Spot – Find that one spot in your house that stays cluttered, set a timer, and clear it.
  7. Pick Out Your Clothes At Night – I think everyone recognizes that this helps mornings go smoother.
  8. Create Your Control Journal – She recommends a binder and some paper and to now break Steps 1-7 into a morning and evening routine, with #6 happening in both.
  9. Five Minute Room Rescue – Spend 5 minutes clearing a path in your worst room.
  10. 15 Minutes: Pick Up Trash and Rest – Set a timer for 15 minutes, gather all the trash you can, and take it out.  Set a time for another 15 minutes and rest.
  11. Inspiration In 15 Minutes – Take 15 minutes to write some inspirational quotes.
  12. Delete Her Emails – It’s been less than five days since I signed up, and I have 30 emails from her.  If she averages ten a day as she says, you should be deleting 120 emails on Day 12.  This is ridiculous.  She doesn’t like clutter but is providing digital clutter.
  13. Do The Mission for the Day – Now for some cleaning.  Take a break here and jump to the next section on Zones and Missions.
  14. Time for a Calendar – Find a place for a calendar (high traffic area) and get one up.  We’ve used this one for a couple of years now.
  15. Make Your Bed – Add this to your morning routine.
  16. Back to the Website – She wants you to read what others are saying about the system.
  17. Set a Bedtime and Stick to It – Don’t wait until it’s time for bed to do your evening routine either.  Start right after dinner
  18. 11 Commandments – But wait…another list. Luckily this one is mostly a repeat of what she has already told you with additions like don’t be distracted, do one thing at a time, and pamper yourself.
  19. No Rushing – This one was hard to figure out as she had another testimonial in there.  But don’t rush, slow down and set a time if you need to.
  20. Laundry – Start a load of laundry at night, put it in the dryer when you wake up, fold/hang, and put away as part of your morning routines.
  21. Clean Out One Drawer – So technically, this day was to read more things on her website, but she also said to clean out one drawer for each family member to make it easier to put laundry away.
  22. Office in a Bag – Work on building your control journal and keep everything you need to pay bills, make a grocery list, etc. in one portable place.  Just in case you need more to do, here are 15 steps to create your control journal.
  23. Afternoon Routine – Start dinner in the afternoon.  Plan your meals a week at a time and get them added to your calendar.
  24. Swish and Swipe – Swish the toilet bowl with the brush and wipe out the sink and clean the countertops with a rag.
  25. More Reading – Read some more of her website, but if you have more than one bathroom, use a different one each time you need to go and do the swish and swipe.
  26. Never Behind – A reminder to start wherever you are, even if you get behind.  I also noticed she added lunch and to drink plenty of water to the afternoon routines.
  27. Dinner – Prepare for dinner either the night before or in the morning.  Remove anything from the freezer you need, and don’t forget your side dishes.
  28. Take Care of You – Set a timer for 15 minutes and read.  Remember to eat good food, drink your water, take breaks, and get some rest.
  29. Weekly Pamper Mission – It looks like the idea for the day was a testimonial from a reader who got a back rub from her hubby after a relaxing bath.  Breakfast was added to the morning routine.  Water, meds, and vitamins were added to both morning and evening routines.
  30. Important Dates – Look at the calendar for next month and see what important dates need to be planned for.  This is also where you learn about your weekly plan, which is more routines.  Head to that section below to learn more.
  31. Don’t Worry – Another reminder to not get overwhelmed with all of the things she has you doing.

Zones

Zones are different parts of the house that she assigns you to clean each week.  There are five zones, and ideally, you would hit them all in one month.  The goal is to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning your zone based on the mission you are given (see next section).  Here are the zones and when she says they would be cleaned:

  1. Entrance/Front Porch/Dining Room – the first few days of the month until Sunday
  2. Kitchen – the first full week of the month
  3. Main Bathroom/Extra Room – the second full week of the month
  4. Master Bedroom/Bath/Closet – the third full week of the month
  5. Living Room/Den/TV Room – the last few days of the month, starting on Monday

 

 

Missions

Missions are your daily to-dos for the day.  Each week she tells you one mission to do each day.  It doesn’t appear that this information is laid out in advance anywhere, so you only get one week at a time.  Here are last weeks (the current weeks is here), for example:

Monday

Spend 15 minutes getting rid of 27 things from the Main Bathroom.  Do the same in the Extra Room.

Tuesday

Shine your tub/shower in the Main Bathroom.  Set your timer for 15 minutes and get the guest bed ready for company.  Wash the sheets if needed.

Wednesday

Wash your Main Bathroom rugs, shower curtains, and accessories.  Dust in the Extra Room, ensuring you get those cobwebs in the corner.

Thursday

Toss old or unused cosmetics, perfumes, and other hygiene products.  For the Extra Room, either spend 15 minutes getting rid of 27 more things or sweep/vacuum.

Friday

Clean the counters and sink in the Main Bathroom.  Take 15 minutes to relax.

Weekly Plan

Monday’s – Weekly Home Blessing for an hour

This includes tossing old magazines, changing the sheets, emptying the trash, vacuuming, mop kitchen and bathroom, clean mirrors and doors, and dust.

Tuesday’s – Free Day

Water and fertilize plants.  Spend 15 minutes in the current Zone

Wednesday’s – Zone Cleaning and Partial Desk Time

Finish zone cleaning and weekly cleaning. Clean the fridge. Write thank-you notes. Work on the menu and grocery list for next week.  Balance checkbook.

Thursday’s – Grocery and Errand Day

Make sure your menu is ready for grocery shopping. Confirm the list before you leave.  Go grocery shopping and run errands.

Friday’s – Paperwork and Misc.

Date night. Get food from the freezer for next week.  File papers. Write letters and cards. Cleanout purse.  Mend clothes and polish shoes. Pet care. Clean out car and check fluids. Clean laundry room.

Saturday’s – Family Fun Day

Sunday’s – Renew Your Spirit Day

 

 

But Wait There Is More

But I am not about to make this post any longer.  I found her detailed before bed routine, morning routines, weekly checklist (not to be confused with the weekly plan), and finally, the detailed cleaning list. The list alone is nine pages long.

Seriously it is almost easier to check her emails every day to figure out what to do.  She sends what is called a flight plan that gives you the daily checklist, challenges, and missions.

My house needs a good deep spring cleaning, so I am going to take a look at everything else and determine if all of this information is truly needed.  Or maybe I can see if I can figure out a way to simplify this or find simpler systems.

Look forward to more post about cleaning our home as we make this happen.  Have you heard about Fly Lady? Tell me what you think below.

*I’ve used my referral link in this post for Grove.  This gives you a 5-piece gift set for first-time users.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

Categories
Faith Family Marriage

In The Middle of a Hard Marriage

When I settled on marriage as one of my March themes for Year of Healthy, I had no intention of actually writing about it.  I mentioned that it was extremely personal, and I hadn’t been released to from God or my husband.  Then one weekend, while talking with Chris, we were going over how we both have had some wins lately.  In our marriage and out of our marriage.  We recognized that it was because of God and openly gave Him praise.  Then I started to think about some of the advice I’ve been given throughout our marriage.  What worked and what didn’t work.   I thought about the research I did when I was struggling and what I found and what I didn’t find.  One of the things that I did not see was someone that was in the middle of difficulties and what they did.  So many people gave advice multiple years removed from their struggles.  The frustrating part would be, when they reminisced about having a difficult time, but couldn’t tell you how they overcame them.  I vividly remember only two people that were able to give me advice on what they did (I will mention that these two people, we look to as wise counsel, and they have sat with us multiple times, mostly individually).  So after talking to Chris about that, I told him I wanted to share our “in the middle.”  He gave me his blessing, and I believe, that, and the fact that this even popped into my mind, was God’s way of saying do it.  I will say this will obviously be written from my perspective and thoughts.  Chris will read it before it’s published (as he does any post where he is mentioned, or the information may be sensitive to us – like when finance was my topic).  My goal is to write in such a way that I don’t have to remove anything.

Very Little Background

Today, we are celebrating eight years of marriage.  In the midst of 2019, I would have told you that each year was getting harder. Before marriage, I was someone who was driven, strong-willed, and a planner.  I knew exactly how I wanted my life to go, and I followed that plan.  And expected it to continue when I got married.  But the first three years, disrupted that plan.  Now to be fair, I want to point out that we had some outside factors that impacted our marriage that we could not prevent.  The first three years were lived in a blur. Those first three years, we were in survival mode and didn’t have time to have problems.  Once things settled, though, that is when our problems started.  The next five years were hell because we refused to deal with those earlier issues or communicate at all.

But I also thought I knew what was right.  That plan I created?  Even though things didn’t go that way, I expected us to get back on track.  And when it didn’t happen, I focused on other things.  But because I wasn’t successful at being a wife, I started questioning every other role in my life.  I eventually lost who I was.  Now, this wasn’t at the fault of my husband.  More so from what I exposed myself to.  Other people and marriages that I was trying to mimic ours around.  Things that I wanted to do that were discouraged. Somethings I didn’t want to do, that was pushed on me. I was so unhappy that I was willing to change anything.  So I tried to do what I saw people who appeared to be happy do.  This is the dangerous part of building a community.  I got to a point where I couldn’t take any of it anymore.  If you have read some of my previous posts, you will know that in 2019, I left for what I call a sabbatical.  During that time, I strengthened my relationship with God and dived into His Word.  I focused on me.  I had to work through all of this when I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I couldn’t tell you what I liked.  And what I could come up with (for example reading), I hadn’t done in ages.  It was time for a change, so I started working on me.

But I Can Change Him

Now, some advice that I have been given a bunch of times was I can’t change Chris.  And I tried to—a lot. I fought against this advice because I wasn’t the problem.  He was, and he had all types of issues to work out. It took me a while, but I realized that this was toxic thinking.  Because I was trying to make myself out to be perfect. I was also speaking horribly over my life partner. And let’s be real, the problems in our marriage, clearly showed that HIS issues were really OUR issues.  So all of the years, I spent trying to get him to change was wasted.  Because guess what? You can’t change another person.  Well, you kind of can, but we will get to that in a second.  But one thing you can for sure change is yourself.  Give me a moment to explain because if you were like me, you are probably yelling at your screen, saying, “I am not the problem!”

After a million times trying to change Chris, I gave up.  It was exhausting; I was drained; I was tired.  I decided to become selfish.  But in a good way. I went searching for things that bought me joy.  Because of my personality, a lot of that ended up being self-improvement things.  I was reading again.  I was listening to podcasts.  What I was watching on T.V. was either educational or funny.  Now, to be completely honest,  this was shortly after a time where God was convicting me on the useless things I allowed to come into my spirit.  I wasn’t listening to secular music.  I wasn’t watching movies with a bunch of cursing and sex scenes.  But I want to be clear that although this is something that God convicted me on, it ended up helping me find me and what I enjoyed again. I also focused on how each thing could be applied to my life and what changes I could make because of what I was taking in.  This became a big part of why I created this blog and what I try and showcase.  How I saw things and thought about things was changing.  What I worried and stressed over was changing.  And then I realized, maybe how I was handling my marriage was wrong.  So my prayer became, God, how can I become the wife you need me to be for Chris?  I finally realized that Chris wasn’t going to change.  But I could. I was already starting to see what focusing on me was doing. What would happen if instead of doing this for me, I did it for my marriage? My relationships with others? My community?  I started to focus on being a better person for others after I took the time to focus on me.

That’s Great And All But What About My Marriage

Now our marriage didn’t magically become better.  I had moments where I slipped up.  Things were still pretty rough.  But after one particularly bad argument, we were told to do somethings that I think added to the work I was already doing.  We were told to do a daily devotional together.  And for Chris to pray out loud for me every day.  We were giving some other things to do, but those two things are what we were told to start with that we are currently doing.  We are doing the Kingdom Marriage Devotional by Tony Evans (I’m also reading the book on my own).  The devotional is formated in a brief 1 1/2 page devotional, three application questions, and a prayer.  Specifically, the questions have allowed us to be open and honest and communicate with each other about things that are important to our marriage.  Things that we had long forgotten about or just didn’t seem relevant to each other.  This paved the way for conversations that came from our answers, us sharing our concerns, and just being able to talk again.  It was a safe space to say, “this is the problem I have, and I would like to work through it.”  We always add to the prayer that Dr. Evans gives and try to cover things that we spoke about in our answers.  Chris also prays over me before he leaves for work.  This has made me feel loved and appreciated. We have started to dream again and talk about goals.  The important part is we are back communicating.

We are a long way from our problems being fixed.  We still have to do work every single day. But we see fruit from this.  In our marriage and our individual lives.  I think this is because we finally found the right order to things (thanks to the book).  My husband had to come under submission to Christ as the head of our household.  Not saying that wasn’t done previously, but it wasn’t done with intentionality and wholeheartedly.  At the same time (and that part is essential), I had to come under the submission of my husband.  Now I have always believed in the husband being the head of the household.  But my actions didn’t always show this.  I mentioned I was a strong-willed and driven person.  So I thought I knew best and didn’t honestly want to hear my husband’s opinion.  This was wrong in so many ways, but mainly because we are in a partnership, and I shouldn’t discount his thoughts and suggestions.  I was, also, 100 times nicer and more accepting of other people’s views and opinions outside my home.  But what I have learned from this is, the more I come under actual submission under Chris, the more apparent it is that we really are in this together.  He isn’t trying to rule me.  He listens to my ideas, and we, as a couple, create a solution.

Speak Life and Praise God

Changing my thought life and what I speak, also helped a ton.  I wrote about affirmations and manifesting before, but I started to put this into action.  I began to talk to Chris like the man and husband I knew he could be through Christ.  I spoke positively about our marriage.  I spoke scripture over us.  I asked God to let me be a wife that Chris can love, and he be the husband that I could respect. (Ephesians 5:33)  Allow us to be indeed one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24) Allow us to fulfill our marital duties to each other. (1 Corinthians 7:3).  I also spoke some specific scripture over the goals we had together and individually.  And actually, in my Bible reading now, I specifically look for things that I can turn into prayers and affirmations.  Characteristics of people that God found righteous.  Verses that speak to our identity in Christ.  So…many…proverbs.  I was previously one of those people that was making prayer so hard, and therefore, I struggled.  But God’s Word is so full of things that we can pray over ourselves and our loved ones.  This has made such a huge difference in how I have felt, how I look at situations, and how I handle things.  I am still not 100%, but I’ve come a long way, and it’s important to acknowledge that.

Lastly, it is important to give praise and honor to God for what He is doing in our marriage and our lives.  I make it a point to thank Him daily (multiple times a day really) for what He is doing.  Even if that particular day was terrible, I still thank Him for the work He is doing in our marriage and lives.  This frequently leads to me being thankful for other things and talking to God about what He is doing and His attributes.  I never want to forget who it was that made this happen.  Who allowed us to be able to do the work.  I know for me specifically, when I turned to build my relationship and foundation with God, and then when we brought Him into our marriage, mountains moved.  And to think, it started with me realizing that no, I couldn’t change him, but God could if He saw fit.  Thank God that He ended up changing us both.

Tl;dr? Marriage is hard.  We are in the middle of one now.  Here is what we are doing:

*Get closer to God.  Get selfish.  Focus on you and start doing what brings you joy.

*Don’t mimic other marriages.

*Pray about how YOU can change and do better

*Do a daily devotional with your husband.  Preferably, one with questions.

*Have your husband pray over you, out loud, each day.

*Get your house in order, and both of you come under submission: Christ -> Husband -> Wife

*Speak life into your husband and pray scripture over them.

*Give praise and honor to God along the way.

Categories
Family Finances Home

Our Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Part 2

I hope that you were able to get some valuable information from last week’s post on Part 1 of our Budget Spreadsheet.  I shared our Income, Giving, Saving, and Debt sections.  To read Part 1, head here.

While what I shared so far are some notable heavy hitters, I believe what I am going to share next are things that we most often have forgotten about.  The things that month to month may be a struggle to remember to pay, or they pop up unexpectedly.  Things like our household bills, auto-related expenses, and subscriptions.  These items for me are still sectioned off on the left side of my budget and grouped with their related bills.  On the right side, they are listed under our Bill Tracker, and most items have trackers to keep up with the day to day details.

Insurance

Our home insurance is connected to our mortgage, but we still have Life Insurance, Auto Insurance, and a Home Warranty to pay for.  If we had any supplemental medical insurance, we would include that here as well.  As a reminder, the left side of our budget consists of the following columns: Budgeted, Actual 1-15, Actual 16-31, Diff/Remaining, and Notes.

I am hiding the section of the Bill Tracker that I showed you last week, so you can still see the column headings.  But here is what the insurance section looks like.  Here I can document the exact Due Date, the exact Amount, the Method of payment (mail check, scheduled, autopay), which Paycheck it will come out of,  and if it’s Confirmed Paid/Payment Cleared.  Then I also have a Notes section here.

Utilities

Depending on where you live, if you rent or own, and what is included with your rent, this section could have less or more than what I have listed.  For us, we only have to worry about Electric, Security System, Internet, and our Cell Phone.  But for others, they may also include Cable, Water, and Trash.

Here is what the Utilities section looks like under the Bill Tracker.

Home

This is another section that will depend on your specific living situation.  In this Home section, we include almost everything else dealing with the home that hasn’t already been covered.  For us, that contains Groceries, Home Improvement (a sinking fund which I will discuss later), Yard Maintenance, Alarm Permit Renewal, Pest Control, Septic System Agreement, and Septic Permit.  A lot of these are quarterly or yearly payments and can be a considerable chunk out of a paycheck if it hits all at once.  So having it here in our budget allows us to put money towards it each paycheck.  For example, our Septic System Agreement can cost up to $450 a year.  So instead of paying all of that out of one check, we can set aside $37.50 from our “bill light” paycheck (meaning we don’t have a ton of bills coming out) each month.  Then when it is time to pay the agreement, we pull the $450 we have saved to pay it.

For the Bill Tracker section Home, I only have listed actual bills that need to get paid.  This section is essential, especially for the bills that are due quarterly and yearly.  When I created this sheet and going forward every year with my planning, I will include the estimated due date and amount here until I get the actual invoice/bill.  So, for example, I see last year in November is when we paid for our Septic Agreement.  It is yearly, so I know this year, in November, it will be due again.  My tracker will most likely show an 11/01 due date to help me plan out the monthly amount I need to save.  And then, when I get the invoice in September or October, I will update the exact due date and amount.

This section also includes the first of the specific trackers.  Probably like many of you, if there is one area of our budget that we are likely to overspend, it is on food.  I love eating, and I love cooking.  A couple of years ago, due to some health issues, I had to make a significant change in the type of food I was buying and cooking, which increased our food budget.  Knowing how easy it is to have this category get out of control, I knew I needed to create a Grocery Tracker.  One thing that has changed recently is I am going to the grocery store a couple of times a week (from 5 times in November to 12 times in December).  I am trying to reduce the amount of food we end up wasting because it stays hanging around for too long.  So each trip I document the Date I went, the Amount spent, the Place I went to, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. One difference is the total here gets automatically plugged into the Groceries category in the Home section of our budget. And that cell is merged because it doesn’t exactly matter much for me which paycheck we spend money on groceries. After all, it is something that is needed, no matter what.  Here is a sneak peek: Next month’s topic for Year of Healthy will be me going vegan (just for that one month).  This will be interesting to see how that impacts my budget as I always hear (and have experienced) that it is more expensive to eat healthily.  But cutting out meat and other animal products should help.

Auto

The auto section is where we have our Gas, Car Maintenance, and Car Registration listed.  I can also tell you that Driver’s License Renewal will get added to this section thanks to me thinking I lost mine last month and having to order a new only to find it later. Car Maintenance and Car Registration are both categories that we tend to save up for by putting money aside each paycheck mostly.  But due to the number of miles we drive each month, we have to get an oil change on at least one of the cars each month.  So at a minimum, we have to put that amount aside each month.

For the Bill Tracker, this is where we keep Car Registration #1 and Car Registration #2.  Ours come in the mail what feels like 3-4 months before they are due, and as someone who frequently forgets hers, it needed to be added to the budget.

Based on us having to get an oil change for one of our cars monthly, you may have concluded that one of our vehicles gets a lot of miles put on it, which means a ton of trips to the gas station.  While I can get away with going once a month, my husband sometimes has to go 2-3 times a week.  To keep up with how much gas is costing us each month and if we need to increase our budgeted amount, we track the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Car was filled up, if the Payment Cleared and Notes. This helps us keep an eye on which gas station tends to have the lowest price for gas, and we can plan better.

His/Her

His/Her section covers items that are specific to Chris or I.  This is where we will have our Blow $ allowance, Clothing allowance, and Personal Care (hair/nails/etc.).  You will notice that Chris has an Entertainment section, and I don’t.  At first, I thought that I don’t need one because Chris is more likely to go out to the movies with his friends, whereas if I go, it will be with him and will go in the next section we talk about.  But this would probably be a good spot for any books I buy. I usually put them under blow $.  I’ll try it for a month, and we will see.  Also, this is where I keep the categories for my Website Domain and Website Support.

Out of all of those categories, the only ones that go on our Bill Tracker pertains to my Website Domain and Website Support.

All others get tracked under the His and Her Trackers that we have.  Here we are monitoring the Date, Amount, Place, if the Payment Cleared and Notes.  This is only for transactions that we use our debit card for.  So if Chris and I decide to take out cash for our blow $, we wouldn’t include that info here.  But again, having this track the individual purchases helps with planning our budget for things like clothes or personal care that may not be a monthly thing or may have one month that has more spending than others (like when Chris needs a new uniform for work). Notes usually are where I will document which category the transaction would be apart of.

Sinking Funds

Another section that I picked up from following Dave Ramsey is Sinking Funds.  A sinking fund is a mini savings “account” that I may or may not use each month.  For us, this includes a Pet Fund, Date Nights, Eating Out, Gifts & Misc., Medical Expenses, and Home Goods.  Most of these are also areas that we can quickly cut if we need more wiggle room in our budget (except the Pet Fund and Medical Expenses).

We do have a Sinking Funds Tracker where we can track the specific transactions for all the sections mentioned above.  Here we document the Date, the Amount, the Place, which Sinking Fund it goes to, if the Payment Cleared, and Notes.  We also record our Home Improvement sinking fund transactions here as well from the Home Section.  Putting money aside in that fund monthly, helps me save for a larger project we do during the year like redoing our patio or my office.

Subscriptions

This is a newer section for us because when I was going through our bank transactions, these little suckers always came up unexpectedly because we didn’t plan for them.  While I usually would have generic categories here, I wanted to leave our exact subscriptions to help refresh your memory! This section took three months to build out because each month, I was saying, “Oh yea, we pay for that also.”  Some are monthly. Some are yearly.  Some we canceled for the moment but may use again.  Either way, it is all here, so I know that it comes from our budget.

I consider these bills, so they go under our Bill Tracker as well. Because most of these are on Autopay, it has been a lifesaver knowing when they are going to hit our account.  And seeing the number of subscriptions we had, made us do some cutting down.

Odd Balls/Summary

I keep this Odd Ball section just in case there is a random category that comes up that doesn’t fit any of the other sections or categories that I already have.  I have yet to use it, but just in case.  The final part of our monthly budget is our summary.  They are formulas that show what is left after our Actual Expenses are subtracted from our Actual Income and what is left after our Budgeted Expenses are deducted from our Budgeted Income.  This gives me a high-level view of if our budget is in the red for the month and lets me know I need to make some adjustments.

Here is a full view of what the Bill Tracker looks like.

What’s Next

Since Finances are such a big part of my life and super important to talk about when it comes to marriage and families, I am thinking about adding another month to focus on budgeting.  Maybe talk a bit about our goals, paying down debt, or even what it took to transition to a one-income family.  Let me know what you think about our Budget Spreadsheet and if you have any topics you want me to cover in the second month.

Categories
Book Review Family Book Review Finance Book Review

Book Review: The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma

Title: The 5 AM Club

Author: Robin Sharma

Genre: Fiction/Self Help/Business

Publisher: Harper Collins

Rating: Related imageRelated imageRelated imageRelated imageRelated image

 

This post was originally posted as a guest post on TwentyFourDoors.com.  Check them out as they connect Millenials to information from homeownership to starting an Airbnb.  Follow them on Instagram and Facebook.

This review has taken me a long time to write mostly because I just wanted to sit with the lessons I learned from this book forever.  Without a doubt, this is my favorite book that I have read.  Ever.  This book makes me meditate for long moments and reflect and plan.  This book has sparked ideas.  This book helped me revive some things that I thought were dead.  This book has made me emotional.  This book has just done so much for me. Initially, I read it during my Sabbatical earlier this year via Libby (available to read via Kindle app).  At that time, I knew it had the potential to be life-changing, and I decided to order a physical copy to read again.  Which I did at the end of the summer.  A chapter a day.  Taking my time and highlighting.  Writing out my thoughts as I journaled.  I did not want to finish this book ever.  I’ve never been one to re-read books, and I’ve found a handful this year that I wouldn’t mind reading twice.  But this is the first book that I knew there was a high probability that I would be reading it yearly.

My Thoughts:

The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma is the first and only book of his that I read.  I don’t even remember how I came across it.  I’ve never heard of him before and didn’t even have this book on my radar.  But something made me borrow it on Libby when I saw it.  While this is every bit of a self-help and business book, the story is told as fiction.  Sharma uses the story of the Spellbinder, the Billionaire, the Entrepreneur, and the Artist to share with his readers the way to Own Your Morning and Elevate Your Life by joining the 5 AM Club.  Warning…I can’t help but include spoilers in this review, and I include a trigger warning for a brief mention of suicidal thoughts.

We are introduced to the Entrepreneur who is currently going through a crisis with her business.  She is being pushed out of the company that she started by her investors, and it has her contemplating suicide. As she is doing this, she catches a glance of a conference ticket that she was gifted for the Spellbinder.  She decides that even though she doesn’t believe in these types of conferences, that this is her last chance.  She goes and starts to listen to the Spellbinder, an older, well-dressed man who is a master of his trade in leadership and inspiration.  While speaking, you can tell that he isn’t looking too well, and he eventually collapses on stage, bringing the conference to an end.

Staying for a while after the collapse, the Entrepreneur is sitting next to the Artist. They strike up a conversation and are soon interrupted by a homeless guy.  They start talking about the memorable moments of the session.  The homeless guy starts to go into in-depth details about how the Spellbinder has inspired him and gives hints to what he has been able to accomplish.  The Entrepreneur almost immediately starts judging and doubting him based on how he looks.  Eventually, he offers them an opportunity to come to his beachside place the next morning to begin to discuss the ideas that he has learned to help own his morning and elevate his life.  They both take him up on his offer to meet him back at 5 AM, but they doubt seriously that he will show up, let alone that they will be getting on a jet.

But the next morning, when they go to meet him, they are greeted by a car that indeed, takes them to a jet, and sure enough, they are taken away to this beachside residence.  They see who they think is the Homeless man standing on the beach and go to him, only to find out it is the Spellbinder, who happens to be Mr. Riley’s (the Homeless man who will now be called the Billionaire) friend and mentor.  He is at the residence to refresh and vacation after passing out from exhaustion on stage. Mr. Riley meets them and then explains he will teach them different lessons each morning they meet at 5 AM.  While the Spellbinder is an older gentleman who is calm and pushing the later part of life, Mr. Riley is an eccentric middle-aged man who is quirky enough to bust out in pushups or start yodeling mid-conversation.  He keeps both the Entrepreneur and the Artist on their toes and laughing throughout the whole adventure. They travel to different places to get some of the lessons and are quickly becoming members of the 5 AM Club.

The Entrepreneur is almost the main character.  The storyline follows her from her potential suicide attempt to being threatened by her investors that are trying to take over her company.  Her goals go from preventing the takeover to truly living a happy life so she can be the best entrepreneur there is.  The Artist seems to want to be understood. He follows the typical artist lifestyle where he wants to create what he wants and have others love it.  Unexpectedly, the two end up starting a relationship and falling in love.  While this story isn’t a major theme in the book, it is still there and, in my opinion, not necessary to teach us any of the lessons.  But I am sure the purpose is to remember that becoming better at your business or craft, isn’t what life is all about.  It’s important to enjoy life and enjoy it with those around us.  Eventually, they get married, and the vacation has to come to an end.  But they are officially members of the 5 AM Club.  The epilogue gives you an update on everyone five years later (and be prepared to cry).

This is one of those books where you have to wait to get most of the information.  While the text was full of amazing quotes (and hard not to highlight whole pages), some chapters didn’t actually “teach” me anything towards the 5 AM Club.  Plus, I found myself asking when will we get to the part that shows us WHAT to do at 5 AM quite a bit.  Even the Artist asked it a couple of times in the book.  One thing that came out of this book for me was a list of people I wanted to learn more about.  Lately, it seems to be a theme for me to encounter books that talk a lot about or quote a lot of other people.  Some of the people I am familiar with like Rose Parks, Picasso, Albert Einstein, and Nelson Mandela.  Others I have either never heard of or heard of them in passing like Rumi, Charles Bukowski, and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.  Since I am always interested in learning, I realized that I could learn more about these people and their practices since they were significant enough to get mentioned in some of the books I am loving.  I created a list in Evernote “People to Look Up” and am adding a goal to my Year of Healthy to try and learn about someone new once a week.  I imagine this will open up a wealth of resources to me.

While reading this book, I had no choice but to think of each stage of my life.  I can see clearly where I made mistakes, and I better understand how they happened.  I see ways that I self-sabotaged myself when I was doing great.  This book is going to be a major part of my Year of Healthy with all of the nuggets on goal setting and habit building.  And it’s not just the getting up at 5 AM.  It’s what you do during what Sharma calls your Victory Hour that makes a difference.  Here are some things that I will be trying from the book:

~ The Victory Hour – Investing sixty minutes in developing my best self and my greatest skills

~ Intense Visualization – envision what your perfect day should look like and then go out and try to live that day

~ Eliminate distractions, especially during your Victory Hour

~ Morning Routine: Move, Reflect, Grow (the 20/20/20 Formula)

~ Exercise and sweat hard, journal/meditate/plan/pray, read/listen/study

~ Evening Routine: No technology, time with family, reading, winding down, prepare for the morning

~ For 90 days, invest the first 90 minutes of your workday on just one activity (the 90/90/1 Rule)

~ Work for 60 minutes without moving, then spend 10 minutes refueling (the 60/10 Method)

Here are some great lessons and quotes from the book

~ All change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.

~ To have the results the top 5% of producers have, you must start doing what 95% of people are unwilling to do.

~ When you feel like surrendering, continue.

~ To double your income and impact, tripe your investment in two core areas – your personal mastery and your professional capability. (the 2x3x Mindset)

~ With better daily awareness you can make better daily choices, and with better daily choices you’ll start seeing better daily results. (the 3 Step Success Formula)

~ …if you want to be the best in the world…you need to put in enormous amounts of practice time to advance your expertise.  Specifically, a performer must invest at least two hours and forty-four minutes of daily improvement on their chosen skill for ten years.

~ Enhancing anything in your day, ranging from your morning routine to a thought pattern to a business skill to a personal relationship, by only 1% delivers at least 30% elevation only a month from starting.  Stay with the program and, in just one year, the pursuit you’ve been focusing on has elevated 365% at least.

~ Personal discipline is a muscle.  The more you stretch it, the stronger it grows.

~ Increasing self-control in one area of your life elevates self-control in all areas of your life.

~ The way you practice in private is precisely the way you’ll perform once you’re in public.

I could list so many more great lessons and things that I want to start implementing, but you would be reading forever, and I want you to grab a copy of the book and read it for yourself.  I couldn’t help but give this book a 5-star rating.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  If you have read it already, let me know some of your favorite parts in the comments below.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases using the links included in this post.

 

Categories
Family Productivity

Year of Healthy: November

If you read my Goodbye October post, you will see October’s goals did not go as planned.  I felt like they were all over the place, and when things shifted in my life, the habits I was trying to build quickly went out the window.  I decided to make a change with how I was going to do my monthly goals going forward.  I’m taking a page out of Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, and selecting themes for each month, and that area is where I will focus on setting goals and building habits.  For November, I will focus on creating a nighttime routine.

A Great Morning Routine Starts The Night Before

One of my goals last month was to wake up at 4:30 AM at least five days a week.  My husband and I agreed on that time so he would stop hitting the snooze button, and I could get up a bit earlier.  The plan was that I would cook his breakfast, see him off for the day, and get my day started.  And while most days I was able to wake up, I spent way too many days going to sleep after my husband left.  Or some days just turning the alarm off and going back to sleep immediately.  But what I do remember is the days that I was able to get up and stay up, were some of my most productive days.  So why wasn’t I able to wake up and stay up?  Most of the time, it was because I didn’t go to sleep at a reasonable time the night before.  Actually going to bed and getting to sleep was such a challenge.  I realized that for me to wake up early, I needed to figure out how to get to sleep early.  Looking at my nights, I really didn’t have a plan.  I cooked dinner, hung out with my husband, and then went to bed.  But once I was in bed, most likely I was watching whatever Chris had on T.V. or on my phone or my thoughts were racing so much I was writing.  I need to figure out how to wind down, so when I got in the bed, I went to sleep.  So I did what I do best, I started to research and look on Pinterest and YouTube to see what others have done.  And while it was hard to find nighttime routines (there is an abundance of morning routines and a ton of kid nighttime routines), I was able to narrow down what I want to try at night that might be able to help me.

Testing It Out

I plan to spend the month of November trying out all of the different routines that I found during my research. Habits that I am hoping will allow me to wind down and get into bed at a reasonable time.  I read in The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma that the ideal amount of sleep is 7 1/2 hours. With Chris having a recent change of schedule, we decided to push our wake up time to 5 AM, which means the best time for me to go to sleep would be about 9:30 PM. So when I was picking out routines that seemed interesting to me, I needed to make sure that I could do them in between when I usually cook dinner around 4 PM or 5 PM and 9:30 PM.  I still needed to eat dinner and spend time with my husband, all within 5 1/2 – 6 1/2 hours.  Let’s hope this is as easy as it sounds.  Here are the routines that interest me:

Quick Clean Up

Although my husband usually takes care of putting the dishes in the dishwasher, I still tend to clean and shut down the kitchen at night.  Doing a quick clean up of the other rooms that we’ve used throughout the day always makes me feel better but isn’t something I do enough.  Getting this done will hopefully prevent me from laying in bed, wishing I would have cleaned up a bit.

Stretching/Yoga/Walking

I started walking around my neighborhood in September, but last month I came up with more excuses, and I stopped.  One reason was, every time I came back from walking, I wanted to sleep for hours.  I don’t know where all those endorphins are that I should be feeling, but they were nowhere to be found.  But I figured a good way to flip this side effect into a positive would be to do it in the evenings.  On days where I don’t feel like walking, I could always stretch or do a yoga routine.

Relaxing Baths and Showers

Normally, fall and winter are when I switch to taking showers at night.  And as much as I love my bathtub and baths, I don’t take them enough.  Add in some essential oils, Epsom salt, dim the lights, light some candles, and turn on the music. I did this the other day for the first time in forever, and it was amazing.  I was more relaxed than I have been in a really long time.

Warm Drink

In addition to my bath, I also made me a warm drink.  I tried some Vanilla Chia tea but used milk instead of water, and it was so good.  I’ve also read that golden milk helps with sleep and inflammation so I would like to try it.  A few nights a week, I normally make some tea that is geared towards relaxing or sleeping.  They don’t always put me right to sleep, but they help relax me and act as a signal that it is time to wind down.

Skin Care Routine, Moisturize My Body, and Oral Hygiene

I want to add face masks and scrubs to my current routine of cleansing, toning, and moisturizing.  I’ve also been wanting to find a body cream to use instead of regular lotion for after my showers and baths.  And keeping up the habit of brushing my teeth and flossing after I finish eating and before bed.

Gratitude, Journal, and Plan The Next Day

I tend to write in my journal all day long, but I would love to be able to take the time to reflect on what I am grateful for at the end of the day.  I could journal about my day or things on my mind and spend a few minutes planning out what I want my tomorrow to look like.  I’m hoping this will help get some things off my mind so I can be at peace at night.

Reading/No Technology

I am horrible about being on my phone in bed.  For hours.  I try and stay off of social media, although I don’t always succeed at that.  But honestly, I am most of the time reading or researching something that pops into my head.  I want to make our bedroom a no technology zone (or at the very least not use the technology in the bed).  My husband was sweet enough to buy me a new reading light last month, so I can still read my physical books.

Let’s Do This

I’ll be spending more time this month researching these routines and finding what works best for me.  Is there a particular essential oil I like best in my baths?  Is tea better for me than warm milk? I believe it is always important to find what works for you so while certain routines may work for others, it is all about tailoring them to fit my needs best.  Follow me on Instagram or Facebook to keep up with what this will look like daily for me.  Do you have nighttime routines that help you get to sleep?  Share them in the comments below.  I hope you join me this month in setting nighttime routines!

 

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Categories
Faith Family Productivity

Year of Healthy: Goodbye October

Check out my original October Goals post here. You can catch up on my word of the year here.

Goodbye October

October is officially over (Thank You, King Jesus).  And ugh…this month did not go how I planned it at all.  Its been an emotional one with some major hits to a few things that I had planned and some unexpected things popping up.  Dreams were crushed.  Multiple appliances quit working.  Doctor’s appointments didn’t go well.  It was one of those months where I would like to have swept it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen.  But instead, I really need to look at what went wrong.  Yes, all of those things were bad, but they shouldn’t have had the opportunity to shake me to my core and break my plans.  This was when I realized why I really need to have these habits put in place so nothing can shake them.  Even habits that I thought I already built came tumbling down.  Do you know how everyone says it takes 21 days to make a habit?  Have you ever taken that time, and on day 22, felt more of a relief that you can break the habit? And then actually break it?  Same here.

In The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma, he recommends taking 66 days to not only build the habit but turn it into an automatic response.  Making your habits automatic helps break decision fatigue.  Sharma breaks down the 66 days into three stages.  The first stage he calls Destruction.  The first 22 days are hard.  You are destroying your old ways, and as he says, “rewriting past programs of your heart and emotions.”  He explains that this is when you will want to quit and give up.  I believe this is probably why we celebrate so much when we do make it to day 21.  The second stage is called Installation.  So while stage one was all about getting rid of your old self and habits, this stage is about creating your new self and habits.  Your need to quit gets higher, and you are having regrets about doing this in the first place.  Sharma takes about some pretty deep emotions that you will feel during this stage: exhaustion, confusion, stress.  But being able to say yes daily to your new habit through this second set of 22 days leads you right to stage three, which is Integration.  This is the last set of 22 days where it all starts to come together and “integrates at a psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual level.” Doing all of this gets you to The Automaticity Point, where you no longer need to force yourself with your new habit.  Now all the energy you used to build that one habit can be used to create a new one.  And you can start another round of 66 days.

Another thing I realized with my goals for October is, they were kind of all over the place. Some were apart of what could be considered my morning routine. Some a nighttime routine. And while I tried my best to stack them so they could trigger each other, it didn’t work so well. Especially if I messed up one, then it seemed to be a tumbling effect. I realized that for the upcoming months during my Year of Healthy, I need a theme and to focus on that.  For a hint on what November’s theme may be, keep reading.  Here are specific updates on each goal from October:

Wake up at 4:30 AM 5 days a week

What was once going so well, just went down the toilet after a few emotionally moody days. I would wake up early, maybe 1-2 days a week to cook my husband’s breakfast and go right back to sleep. Or hear my alarm and turn it right off. What was the problem? I didn’t have a nighttime routine and therefore struggled to get into bed at a decent hour and fall asleep. I suffer from insomnia, and along with my fibromyalgia, I can struggle to fall asleep, although I spend most of my day dealing with exhaustion.  I realized that I needed a nighttime routine that really works.  From my quick research, I see a ton of morning routines, and a lot of people will even say it starts the night before but won’t give many details.  I need to master a nighttime routine before I can move forward on this one.  On a positive note, with my husband’s schedule changing, I was able to adjust this time to 5:00 am, and while I do still sometimes find myself going back to bed after cooking and seeing him off to work, it’s been easier to get up.

Finish reading the Old Testament this month

So this may be the only routine that I have made some movement on after a bit adjusting of the goal.  The only issue is, according to my calculations, to finish the OT in October, I had to read 16 chapters a day.  And that didn’t happen.  But there have been some things that happened with my Bible reading and studying this month.    Well, let’s just talk about my spiritual life as a whole.

  • I finally joined the church that I have been attending for the past few months.
  • I attended their Explore class to learn more about the church’s values and morals.
  • I signed up to start serving again (can I say how much I have missed serving every week!).
  • I signed up for a monthly group and a Bible Study Fellowship class.  The BSF group is currently going through Acts.
  • I was late, but I updated my IG to show that I finished the NT.
  • I’ve finished 2nd Samuel,  Ecclesiastes, and Proverbs.

 

In the Chronological Bible that I am reading out of, currently has me in 1st Kings, 2nd Chronicles, and Psalms.  I still have to get through all of the Prophets, and I have not read most of them, so I imagine I will be taking my time.

Write at least three times a week

I have been exceeding this goal.  I write almost every day.  I write prayers. I write about my Bible reading. I write about my day.  I write about my moods.  I write about the ideas that I have.  I write about my to-do’s.  I just write. And I have been feeling so much better afterward.  Quite a few crazy things have been happening around here, and it has been so frustrating, so writing out my thoughts and feelings has been beneficial.

Hit each timeline on my water bottle on time

Not only do I not hit my timelines, but I’ve also pretty much stopped drinking my gallon of water.  This all comes from not waking up early and then just not eating or drinking at the right times.  I’ve even been drinking soda because we were given a bunch of 2 liters.  Y’all, I can go months without drinking soda and then bam, here I have 1-2 glasses a day.  I have even been slacking on my lemon water.  It’s been bad.  Plus, I know all of this impacts how I feel.  I know that food and staying hydrated will need to be its own theme.  Honestly, I may even need to split them up to cover two months.  We shall see.

Walk for 30 minutes three times a week

I think this is what I am most disappointed in myself with.  Because I was doing really well with this.  Then I started making excuses for going out and walking.  I need to hold on to how accomplished I felt when I was doing it.  And I need to get it done.  One thing that I hope to do is, now that Chris’s schedule has changed, I’m hoping we can walk together a couple of times a week.

Read at least 30 minutes a day

Is it possible to be in a reading slump right after you launch a blog that has a bunch of book of reviews?  Well, that is what has been happening.  Truthfully, I’ve been reading a bunch of romances, and I can’t really learn anything from those. 😂 But on the other hand, I’ve been watching YouTube videos, listening to podcasts, and doing other things that have been helping me learn or to wind down.  I do read some nights, but it hasn’t been daily.  I haven’t made much of a dent in my October book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg or the four other books I wanted to finish reading.

Downtime from 9 PM to 9 AM

This was going so well until it wasn’t.  I started by keeping the phone down most of the night.  Then I began to hit ignore limit for 15 minutes at a time.  Then I started to turn downtime off altogether.  I also extended it to have downtime through the weekend.  I turned that off, too, but I am known to ignore all notifications on the weekends.  But I will admit, on the days where I honored this goal, it was terrific.  I was able to do other things.  And most importantly, I was present with what I was doing.  This is such a habit that I want to keep because I’m not going to lie, I think I am addicted to social media.  It may be time for a fast.

What’s Next

So how did October go overall?  It was a major failure.  And I am okay with admitting that because I have a plan going forward.  Some rough days really knocked me down, and I realized that my emotions made me go from resting and recovering to just being plain stubborn and lazy.  I did have a couple of flare days towards the end of the month, and because I wasn’t so productive for the month, I felt even worst taking a day or two to recover.  But November is a new month.  I’m praying for a productive month since I have done a bit of planning.  Stay tuned for my November goals post coming soon.

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Categories
Faith Family Productivity

Year of Healthy: October

Although my 31st birthday isn’t until December, I always felt that September/October represented a new year vibe for me.  It could be because of the school year.  It could be because of the Jewish calendar.  I’m not sure, but when I was giving healthy as my word for the year, I knew I wanted to start as early as possible. August and September were all mental challenges for me.  I wanted to see if I could wake up at 4:30 am. I wanted to know if I could drink warm lemon water every morning.  I wanted to see if I can drink a gallon of water every day.  After doing each of those things a few times, I realized that I could build these into habits, and that is what is going to help me break through my excuses.

After reading The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma, I learned that we should focus on taking care of what he calls The 4 Interior Empires: Mindset (Psychology), Heartset (Emotionality), Healthset (Physicality), Soulset (Spirituality).  All of these are areas that I knew I wanted to actively focus on getting healthy, along with relationships and my home.  While I have some ideas of goals that I would like to accomplish, this idea of getting healthy is one that is still growing inside of me, and I know over the next few months if not the whole year, I will be coming up with different areas and goals to improve and grow.  Hopefully, as I build some habits and accomplish some goals, I can use those as stairsteps to reach another level of getting healthy.

Right now, I plan on taking it slow, month by month, as I try and plan out precisely what I want.  I have a bunch of ideas in my head, and as much as I want to start building all the habits on day one, I know that will be my quickest way to failure.

Wake up at 4:30 AM 5 days a week

My husband and I came to an agreement.  If he stops hitting his snooze button a million times in the morning, I will get up and cook him breakfast.  We agreed on 4:30 AM since I wanted to get up as early as 5:00 AM, and he needed to get to work early.

Finish reading the Old Testament this month

Back in April, I started to read through each book of the Bible.  I started with random books in the New Testament, and then I switched to reading Chronologically using this bible.  I finished the New Testament last month, and I would like to finish the Old Testament this month, if possible.  After I cook breakfast for my husband to take to work, I usually dive into my Bible reading for the day.

Write at least three times a week

Writing for the blog, writing to clear my head, writing my morning pages.  I’ve started to journal, and to be honest, the thought of having a journal full of my thoughts and ideas is so motivating.  Seeing the pages no longer be clean and crisp is just so inspiring.  But I struggle with the habit of handwriting because it’s so easy to type.  I want to write after my Bible reading to talk about what I learned.  Maybe even write a little beforehand if I have something in my head that may be blocking me from my reading or understanding.

Hit each timeline on my water bottle on time

I bought a water bottle that allows me to drink a gallon of water a day.  The problem has been I find myself chugging the water in the afternoon once I get behind and then spend all evening and night peeing.  It’s been such a pain.  So if I could hit the timelines on time (7 AM, 9 AM, 11 AM, 1 PM, 3 PM, 5 PM, 7 PM, 9 PM), I am hoping that will help with my frequent trips to the bathroom.

Walk for 30 minutes three times a week

I mentioned how much I hate exercising, right?  Like, hate it. But I know it is essential to exercise. At my last doctor’s appointment, we talked about how to bring some exercise into my life, and she wants me to do at least 30 minutes a day, five times a week.  I’m not there yet, so we will start with three times.  My husband used to be a runner and has expressed wanting to get back into that habit, so we want to use these walks as his warm-up.  I’ve also been able to connect with a friend, and part of us spending time together is walking together.

Read at least 30 minutes a day

As much as I love reading, I do find myself burning out at times.  That has been my recent season.  But I have been reading Tools of Titans by Tim Ferris and the way it is formatted, it is little nuggets from each Titan.  I think reading this book for about 30 minutes a day will help me come out of my reading slump.  I sometimes read throughout the day, but I have been loving reading while in bed to unwind from the day.  I’ve decided that I am going to try and read one book a month that will help with my goals for the month.  I am picking The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg for this month.

Downtime from 9 PM to 9 AM

I mostly ignored Apple’s Screentime app because it gave me nothing but negative information.  I know I spend too much time on my phone; there is no need to be reminded about it.  But I was checking it out one day and somehow accidentally turned on the Downtime, which was set from 10 PM to 7 AM.  I decided to leave it and test it out.  And I felt so guilty every time I hit the Ignore Limit button, and I would put the phone down.  Since that has been mostly working, I decided to expand it from 9 PM to 9 AM.  This allows me some downtime at night and not have me starting my first few hours glued to social media or technology.

Let’s Do This

All of this may seem like a lot, but I hope you see how they are connected and I am hoping they will be easier to accomplish that way.  I’ve read multiple places that if you can have triggers, it helps make your habit-building easier.  Using one habit as a trigger (me waking up early) and stacking some of the habits together, let’s hope for success.

Do any of these habits sound like some you need to pick up?  Want to join me? Leave a comment below and let me know if you are in for making these happen for October.

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Categories
Rhenáe's Recap

Rhenáe’s Recap: 9/1/19 – 9/30/19

New & Notable

Last time on Rhenáe’s Recap, I talked about how I took a mini-break to spend time with God.  I decided to start unplugging entirely on the weekends.  I was able to get a project 18 months in the making done around the house.  I spent some time with some friends I haven’t seen in over six months.  I supported a friend’s book tour and spent time in a bookstore.  More on those in Recently Acquired and Finished.  I’ve also been paying attention to my social media habits during the week.  I’m starting to feel a tad bit distracted and addicted, so I have been trying to unplug more during the week.  I still have to determine how to balance this with posting for my blog.  What’s been a big help is Screen Time on my phone.  I currently have my downtime set from 10 pm to 7 am and all day Saturday and Sunday.  I’ll be honest and say that I do sometimes ignore the limits, but I try and only do 15 minutes at a time.  So far, it has helped me put my phone down more and be physically present in my home.

 

 

I wrote a post giving an update on my 2019 Word of the Year.  I wanted to provide this update because I already have my 2020 Word of the Year and have started the planning for that.  I know it may seem early as most people pick theirs in January, but I spend time in prayer asking God to send me mine.  Last year, He gave it to me around Rosh Hashana, which is the Jewish new year.  And while I received mine a little earlier this year, it was in the same spirit of me knowing this time of year was coming.  Take a look at the post and be on the lookout for my 2020 post coming soon.

 

 

Reviews

 

Quick Book Reviews From This Year: 1-5

Five mini-reviews at one time! Check out this post to see some pretty amazing books I read from this summer.

 

 

 

 

 

Letters to the Church by Francis Chan

Letters to the Church is one of my favorite books from this year and changed the way I think about the church body.  My first time reading it came at a time where I was trying to decide on finding a new church home.  I reread it and wrote this review.

 

 

 

 

Other Happenings

 

 

I gave you three new Down the TBR Hole posts for September.  I was able to remove a total of 40 books from my TBR list.  Take a look at those posts and let me know if you think I should have kept any of them.

 

 

What We Are Watching

 

 

A couple of years ago, God impressed on my heart that I needed to change what I was watching on tv.  For the most part, I stopped watching TV altogether.  I feel like recently I have been given the okay to start watching TV again, but I am really conscious about what I allow in. For example, I tried watching the Handmaid’s Tale, and while it was a really good show, I had nightmares for days.  I love crime shows, and any shows that have a mystery to solve.  So I managed to binge-watch all seven seasons of Elementary on Hulu for the past two months.  This show is so good!

 

 

 

Our next show that we are currently binge-watching is Blacklist.  I started watching this show when it first came on T.V., but my dislike for having to wait for the next episode or season made me stop.  The show is currently still running but six seasons are on Netflix.  Fun fact, I use to want to be an FBI agent.  And it was one of the careers that I was preparing for.  I was working on getting my Bachelor’s in Human Services and a Master’s in Public Administration.  Then life happened, and I enjoy watching FBI agents on T.V. instead.

 

 

 

Currently Reading

 

 

Yup, I am still reading Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss.  I found out there is another one called Tribe of Mentors that I cannot wait to get.  But I won’t buy it until I have finished this one and read The 4-Hour Workweek that I also have.  I really love how this book is set up so I can take the nuggets of information individually.  I decided a couple of nights ago to go ahead and read the whole book instead of taking bits and pieces while reading other books.

 

 

A friend let me borrow Operating in the Courts of Heaven by Robert Henderson, and it was the talk of the town at our church last year.  Although I have read through chapter one, I am going to try and finish Tools of Titans first before I dive into this one.  I feel like it may just be one of those books that needs my full attention.

 

 

Recently Finished

 

The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma

I started reading this book for the second time for September and finished it.  It is one of my favorite books from this year, and I recommend everyone read it. I have started to wake up at 4:30 am and will be continuing to add to my morning routine base on recommendations from the book.

 

Feeding the Dragon by Sharon Washington

I was able to read one of the books on my Down The TBR Hole list and move it to my Read list on GoodReads. A quick, fun, and quirky read about a girl who spent some time living with her family in a New York library.  This is one of the books I was able to download for free from Audible as apart of their Originals content.

 

Holding Space For Self by Cheya Thousand

Cheya has been in my life personally now for a little over a year, and when I say I am beyond thankful for her friendship, I am not exaggerating.  At a time where I am re-evaluating what it means to be a friend and have friends, she is someone who embodies the word.  She has been pouring wisdom and love into our friendship from day one, and I look to her as a mentor and all-around #BlackExcellance.  As soon as she told me about her book, I knew I would purchase it and was able to attend her book signing this month to get a copy in my hands. She is currently doing a book tour, and I promise you it is worth it to go, pick one up and hang out with her.  Head to CheyaThousand.com to see when she will be in a city near you.

 

We’re Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union

I unexpectedly started AND finished this book when I was walking around my neighborhood.  I needed something to listen to and just picked this one from my Audible library.  I did not expect it to be so funny!

 

Recently Acquired

 

I was able to pick up the following at the San Marco Bookstore while I was there earlier this month.  It was an adorable bookshop that I wouldn’t mind going to again.

 

Cinder Girl by Christina Meredith

 

 

 

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

 

Goodreads Challenge Update: 50/52

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